{"id":1368,"date":"2022-08-18T17:33:11","date_gmt":"2022-08-18T17:33:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/?page_id=1368"},"modified":"2022-10-25T18:11:03","modified_gmt":"2022-10-25T18:11:03","slug":"volume-three-chapter-twelve","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/?page_id=1368","title":{"rendered":"Volume Three Chapter Twelve"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-page\" data-elementor-id=\"1368\" class=\"elementor elementor-1368\" data-elementor-settings=\"[]\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-section-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-0a9da2c elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"0a9da2c\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-2e495fc\" data-id=\"2e495fc\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-89c1b7d elementor-widget elementor-widget-html\" data-id=\"89c1b7d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"html.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/embed\/album\/5EAD4SiG70lvQuvTFBy59Z\" width=\"300\" height=\"380\" frameborder=\"0\" allowtransparency=\"true\" allow=\"encrypted-media\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-26c4ce0\" data-id=\"26c4ce0\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e237f7d elementor-widget elementor-widget-html\" data-id=\"e237f7d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"html.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/embed\/album\/7LNcWk492ra4DmeIS0OMf4\" width=\"300\" height=\"380\" frameborder=\"0\" allowtransparency=\"true\" allow=\"encrypted-media\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-56d9db0 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"56d9db0\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-f76383f\" data-id=\"f76383f\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-97d4be6 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"97d4be6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"page\" style=\"color: #571515; font-family: Georgia, sans-serif; text-align: center;\" title=\"Page 518\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">VOLUME 3 CHAPTER 12<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\"><i>Preliminary. \u2022 My taste for beauty of form. \u2022 Sarah Mavis. \u2022 Midday in the Quadrant. \u2022 No. 13 J\u2026s Street. \u2022 A bargain in the hall. \u2022 A woman with a will. \u2022 Fears about my size. \u2022 Muck. \u2022 Cold-blooded. \u2022 Tyranny. \u2022 My temper. \u2022 Submission. \u2022 A revolt. \u2022 A half-gay lady. \u2022 Sarah watches me. \u2022 A quarrel. \u2022 Reconciliation.<\/i><\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">I must go back a year or more before the night when I last had Kitty with the yellow hair and yellow motte, to tell the story of my acquaintance with a woman of whom I have little to tell, considering that she more or less is included in the history of my amours for nearly four years, and who will appear more than once some years after that. A word about my sensuous temperament first.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">I had early a taste for beauty of female form. Face had for me of course the usual attraction, for beauty of expression always speaks to the soul of a man first. A woman\u2019s eyes speak to him before she opens her mouth, and instinctively (for actual knowledge only comes to him in his maturer years) he reads in them liking, dislike, indifference, voluptuousness, desire, sensuous abandonment, or fierce reckless lust.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">All these feelings can be seen in a woman\u2019s eyes alone, for they express and move with every feeling, every passion, pure or sensual. They can beget in the male pure love as it is called, which is believed to be so till experience teaches that however pure it may be, it cannot exist without the occasional help of a burning throbbing, stiff prick, up a hot, wide- stretched cunt, and a simultaneous discharge of spermatic juices from both organs. The rest of a woman\u2019s body, the breasts and limbs, can move lust unaccompanied by love, and if once admiration of them begins lust follows instantly. A small foot, a round, plump leg and thigh, and a fat backside speak to the prick straight. Form is in fact to most, more enticing, and creates a more enduring attachment in men of mature years, than the sweetest face. A plain woman with fine limbs and bum, and firm, full breasts will (unless her cunt be an ugly gash) draw a man to her where the prettiest-faced Miss will fail. Few men, unless their bellies be very big, or they be very old, will keep long to a bony lady\u00a0<span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">whose skinny buttocks can be held in one hand. I early had a taste for female form, it was born with me. Even when a boy I selected partners for dancing because they were what I called crummy, and admired even at one time a fat-arsed middle-aged woman who sold us bull\u2019s eyes, because I had caught her exhibiting large legs when squatting down to piss.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" style=\"color: #571515; font-family: Georgia, sans-serif; text-align: center;\" title=\"Page 519\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">For years I had had at the period named, two friends, one of whom was a sculptor, who alas! drank himself to death; and one a painter still living as I write this. I had been in their studios, seen their naked models, heard their opinions on both male and female beauty, and had the various points of female perfection shown me on the lady-sitters. I had them explained in two instances by the ladies themselves, in private sittings, and with them I had sexual pleasures\u2019 which they said the artists had neither got out of them nor given them. I had myself sketched from the nude, and was thought a not bad hand at it, and had therefore by training, instinct, and a most voluptuous temperament become a good judge of beauty of female form.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">I did not write the above paragraphs, when I wrote what follows about Sarah Mavis, they are added now many years afterwards, when I am wondering at what I did in those early days, marvelling at my judgment in selection, and seeking the reasons which guided me then in getting for my sexual embraces, as many modes of female beauty of form, as perhaps any one Englishman ever had, \u2014 short of a prince.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">One Summer\u2019s morning about midday, I was in the Quadrant. It had been raining, and the streets were dirty. In front of me I saw a well grown woman walking with that steady, solid, well balanced step which I even then knew indicated fleshy limbs, and a fat back-side. She was holding her petticoats well up out of the dirt, the common habit of even respectable women then. With gay ladies the habit was to hold them up just a little higher. I saw a pair of feet in lovely boots which seemed perfection, and calves which were exquisite. I fired directly. Just by Beak Street she stopped, and looked into a shop. \u201cIs she gay?\u201d I thought. \u201cNo.\u201d I followed on, passed her, then turned round, and met her eye. She looked at me, but the look was so steady, indifferent, and with so little of the gay woman in her expression, that I could not make up my mind as to whether she was accessible or not.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" style=\"color: #571515; font-family: Georgia, sans-serif; text-align: center;\" title=\"Page 520\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">She turned back and went on without looking round. Crossing Tichborne Street she raised her petticoats higher, it was very muddy there. I then saw more of both legs, my prick stood at the sight of her limbs, and settled me. I followed quickly, saying as I came close, \u201cWill you come with me?\u201d She made no reply, and I fell behind. Soon she stopped again at a shop, and looked in, and again I said, \u201cMay I go with you?\u201d \u201cYes, \u2014 where to?\u201d \u201cWhere you like, \u2014 I will follow you.\u201d Without replying a word, and without looking at me, without hurrying, she walked steadily on till she entered the house No. 13 J. . .s Street, which I entered that day for the first time, but many hundreds of times since. Her composure, and the way she stopped from time to time to look at the shops as she went along astonished me: she seemed in no hurry, nor indeed conscious that I was close at her heels, though she knew it.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">Inside the house she stopped at the foot of the staircase, and turning round said in a low tone, \u201cWhat are you going to give me?\u201d \u201cTen shillings.\u201d \u201cI won\u2019t go upstairs then, so tell you at once.\u201d \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d \u201cI won\u2019t let any one come with me unless they give me a sovereign at least.\u201d \u201cI will give you that.\u201d Then she mounted, nothing more being said. Asking me the question at the foot of the stairs astonished me, I had been asked it in a room often before, and in the street; but at the foot of a staircase, \u2014 never.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">We entered a handsome bed-room. Turning round after paying for it, and locking the door, I saw her standing with her back to the light (the curtains were down, but the room was nevertheless light), one arm resting on the mantle-piece. She looked at me fixedly, and I did at her. Then I recollect noticing that her mouth was slightly open, and that she looked seemingly vacantly at me (it always was so), that she had a black silk dress on, and a dark-colored bonnet. Then desire impelled; I went close to her, and began to lift her clothes. She pushed them down in a commanding way saying, \u201cNow none of that.\u201d<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">\u201cOh! here is your money\u201d, said I putting down a sovereign on the mantle- piece. She broke into a quiet laugh. \u201cI did not mean that\u201d, she remarked. \u201cLet me feel you.\u201d \u201cGet away\u201d, said she impatiently, and turning she took off her bonnet. I then saw she had thick and nearly if not quite black hair, and recollect that I noticed these points just in the order I have narrated them. Then she leaned her arm on the mantle-piece again, and\u00a0<span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">looked at me quietly, her mouth slightly open, and I stood looking at her without speaking, my sperm fermenting in my balls; but I was slightly bothered, almost intimidated by her cold manner, \u2014 a manner so unlike what I usually met with in strumpets.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" style=\"color: #571515; font-family: Georgia, sans-serif; text-align: center;\" title=\"Page 521\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">\u201cYou have beautiful legs.\u201d \u201cSo they say.\u201d \u201cLet me see them.\u201d She laid down on the sofa, her back to the light, without uttering a word. I threw off coat and waistcoat, and sitting at the foot of the sofa threw up her dress to her knees; higher I tried, but she resisted. Then my fingers felt her cunt, and the delight of the feel and sight of her beautiful limbs overwhelmed me. \u201cTake off your things, \u2014 let me see you undressed, \u2014 you must be exquisite.\u201d My hands roved all about her bum, belly and thighs, and just seeing the flesh above her garters I fell to kissing it, and kissed upwards till the aroma of her cunt met my nostrils, and its thicket met my lips and mingled with my moustache, which I then wore, though so few men then did. I fell on my knees by the side of her, kissing, feeling, and smelling; but she kept her thighs close together, and pushed her petticoats over my head whilst I kissed, so that I saw but little of her beauties. Then excited almost to madness by my amusement I rose up. \u201cOh ! come to the bed, \u2014 come.\u201d She lay quite still.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">\u201cNo, \u2014 do it here, \u2014 leave me alone, \u2014 I won\u2019t have my clothes pulled up, \u2014 I won\u2019t be pulled about, \u2014 if you want it have me, and have done.\u201d \u201cWell get on to the bed.\u201d \u201cI shan\u2019t.\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t do it on the sofa.\u201d \u201cWell I\u2019m going then.\u201d \u201cYou shan\u2019t till I have had you, \u2014 only let me see your thighs.\u201d \u201cThere then\u201d, \u2014 and up went her clothes half-way. \u201cHigher,\u201d \u201cI shan\u2019t.\u201d Now my prick was out. \u201cGet on the bed, \u2014 I won\u2019t do it here, \u2014 take your things off.\u201d \u201cI shan\u2019t.\u201d \u201cYou shall.\u201d All was said by her in a determined way, but without signs of temper.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">She rose without saying another word, I think I see now as I write, her exquisite legs in beautiful silk stockings as they showed when getting off the sofa, and getting on to the bed. \u201cBut I want your clothes off.\u201d \u201cI won\u2019t take them off, I\u2019m in a hurry, \u2014 I never do.\u201d \u201cOh I you must.\u201d \u201cI won\u2019t,- now come and do what you want to do, \u2014 I\u2019m in a hurry.\u201d She lifted her clothes just high enough to show the fringe of her cunt, and opened her thighs a little. I thrilled with lewd delight as I saw them, and mounted her, laid between them, and inserted my prick. Ah ! at my first shove almost I was spending in her.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" style=\"color: #571515; font-family: Georgia, sans-serif; text-align: center;\" title=\"Page 522\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">\u201cOh ! lay quiet dear, I\u2019ve only been up you a second.\u201d \u201cNo, \u2014 get off, and let me wash.\u201d I resisted, but she uncunted me, and got off the bed quickly. \u201cNow don\u2019t come near while I wash, \u2014 I can\u2019t bear a man looking at me washing myself.\u201d I insisted, for I was longing to see the form I had scarcely yet had a glimpse of. Putting down the basin she pulled the bed-curtains round her to hide her whilst she slopped her quim. I would not be rude, and saw nothing. Then on went her bonnet. \u201cAre you going first, or I?\u201d said she. \u201cI shall wait as long as you will.\u201d \u201cThen I will go first\u201d, \u2014 and she was going away when I stopped her.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">\u201cWhen will you again meet me?\u201d \u201cOh ! when out at all, I am up to one o\u2019clock in Regent Street.\u201d \u201cWhere do you live?\u201d \u201cI shan\u2019t say, \u2014 good bye.\u201d \u201cNo, \u2014 wait, \u2014 come to me this afternoon.\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t.\u201d \u201cThis evening.\u201d She hesitated. \u201cI can\u2019t stay long if I do.\u201d \u201cWell an hour and a half.\u201d \u201cPerhaps.\u201d \u201cWill you take off your clothes then?\u201d \u201cNo, \u2014 good bye, I am in a hurry.\u201d \u201cMeet me at seven o\u2019clock to-night. \u2014do.\u201d \u201cNo.\u201d \u201cAt eight then.\u201d \u201cWell I will be here expecting you, \u2014 but I shan\u2019t stop long.\u201d \u201cWill you let me see your form up to your waist?\u201d \u201cOh! I hate being looked at\u201d, \u2014 and off she went, leaving me in the room.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">I dined at my Club, and was in a fever of lust all day. \u201cWill she come?\u201d for she had only half promised. Half-an-hour before the time I was at the house, and had the same room again. It was handsome throughout, had a big four-post bed with handsome hangings (this was thirty years ago mind) on one side of the room on another side by a partition was a wash- hand stand of marble, against the wall on the opposite side a large glass just at the level of the bed; at the foot of the bed a large sofa opposite to the fire; over the chimney-piece a big glass sloping forwards, so that those sitting or lying on the sofa could see themselves reflected in it; in the angle of the room by the windows a big cheval-glass which could be turned in any direction, two easy-chairs and a bidet, the hangings were of red damask, two large gas-burners were over the chimney-piece angles. It was the most compact, comfortable baudy house bed-room I have perhaps ever been in, although by no means a large room. They charged seven and six for its use, and twenty shillings for the night. Scores of times I have paid both fees.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">I noticed all this, and that a couple could see their amatory amusements on the bed, on the sofa, or any-how in fact, by aid of the cheval and other\u00a0<span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">glasses. I was delighted with the room, but in a fever of anxiety lest the lady should not come. I walked about with my prick out, seeing how I looked in the glasses, laid on the bed, and noticed how it looked in the side-glass, squatted on the sofa, glorying in the sight of my balls and stiff-stander. Then I had a sudden fear that she would think my prick small; what put it into my head I never could exactly say, I used when at school to fancy mine was smaller than that of other boys, and some remark of a gay woman about its size made me most sensitive on the topic. I was constantly asking the women if my prick was not smaller than other men\u2019s. When they said it was a very good size, \u2014 as big as most, \u2014 I did not believe them, and I used when I pulled it out, to say in an apologetic tone, \u201cLet\u2019s put it up, there\u2019s not much of it.\u201d \u201cOh! it\u2019s quite big enough\u201d, one would say. \u201cI\u2019ve seen plenty smaller\u201d, would say another. But still the idea clung to me, that it was not a prick to be in any way proud of, \u2014 which was a great error. But I have told of this weakness more than once before, I think.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" style=\"color: #571515; font-family: Georgia, sans-serif; text-align: center;\" title=\"Page 523\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">I recollect well that night fearing she would think my prick contemptible, and it pained me much, for I was hooked, although I did not know it. I brushed my hair, and made myself inviting with a desire to please her, without thinking that I was taking the trouble to do so for a woman who was going to be fucked for twenty shillings, and whom I now know did not then care how I looked, or who I was, long as she got her money as soon as she could, and got rid of me to make way for another man, or to go and spend what she had earned.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">She did not keep her time. I kept listening, and peeping out as I heard footsteps and saw couples bent on sexual pleasure going up the stairs, and heard them overhead walking about. This and the excitement at the recollection of my instantaneous spend between her magnificent thighs, my pulling about my prick and contemplating it in the glass, the moving about of the various couples made me in such a state of randiness that I could scarcely keep from frigging. A servant who had noticed my peeping came in, and begged I would not look out, for customers did not like it. Did they know where my lady lived? and would they send for her? They did not. Then the servant came to say I had been an hour in the room, \u2014 did I mean to wait any longer? I knew what that meant, and was about to say I would pay for the room twice, when I heard a heavy, slow tread, and the lady\u2019s face appeared.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" style=\"color: #571515; font-family: Georgia, sans-serif; text-align: center;\" title=\"Page 524\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">I grumbled at her delay, she took my complaints quietly, she could not come earlier, was all she said. She pulled off her bonnet, put it on the chair, turned round, leaned her arm on the mantle-piece, and stared at me again in a half-vacant way with her mouth slightly open, just as in the morning. I gave her very little time to stare, for I had my hand on her cunt in no time, and nearly spent in my trousers as I touched it. She tried the same game, \u2014 she would not be pulled about, \u2014 she would not let her cunt be looked at, \u2014 if I meant to do it, do it, and have done with it. My blood rose. \u201cI\u2019d be damned if I would, \u2014 nor pay, nor anything else unless she took her gown off. So she took it off laughing, and laid down on the sofa. Not on the bed. No she would not. Then damned if I would do it (though I was nearly bursting). Again she laughed, and then got on to the bed. I saw breasts of spotless purity, and exquisite shape, bursting out over the corset, threw up the petticoats, saw the dark hair at the bottom of the belly, and the next instant a thrust, a moment\u2019s heaving, \u2014 quietness, \u2014 another thrust, \u2014 a sigh, \u2014 a gush of sperm, \u2014 and again I had finished with but a minute\u2019s complete sexual enjoyment only.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">\u201cGet up.\u201d \u201cI won\u2019t.\u201d \u201cLet me wash the muck out.\u201d \u201cNo.\u201d \u2014 and I pinned her down, squeezed to her belly, grasped her haunches. \u201cI\u2019ve not done spending.\u201d \u201cYes you have.\u201d A wriggle and a jerk, and I was uncunted and swearing. She sat down on the basin, I stooped down, tore aside the curtains, and put my hand on to her gaping cunt. She tried to rise, and pushed me, \u2014 I pushed her. She tilted on one side, her bum caught the edge of the basin, and upset the water.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">\u201cDamn you\u201d, said she, \u2014 then she laughed and got up. I pushed her against the side of the bed, and again got my fingers on the cunt, \u2014 slippery enough it was. \u201cYou\u2019re one of those beasts, are you?\u201d said she.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">\u201cI\u2019ve never felt your cunt properly, and I will.\u201d \u201cWell let me wash it, and you shall.\u201d She did so, I felt it, and then begged for another fuck. \u201cYou are not in a hurry.\u201d \u201cYes I am.\u201d \u201cYou said you would give me an hour and a half.\u201d \u201cYes, but you have done me, and what is the good of keeping me?\u201d \u201cI mean to do it again.\u201d \u201cDouble journey double pay.\u201d \u201cNonsense, \u2014 you so excited me, that I\u2019ve never had a proper poke yet.\u201d \u201cWell that is no fault of mine.\u201d She laughed, and turned questioner. \u201cDo you often have the women from Regent Street?\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d \u201cDo you know many?\u201d \u201cYes,<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" style=\"color: #571515; font-family: Georgia, sans-serif; text-align: center;\" title=\"Page 525\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">I vary so.\u201d \u201cAh ! you are fond of change, \u2014 I thought so\u201d, \u2014 and she got talkative after that. I had thought her almost a dummy.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">Meanwhile I was gloating over her charms, her beautiful arms, the lovely breasts I now played with, the lovely limbs I saw, for she had sat down in the most enticing position with the ankle of one foot resting on the knee of the other leg. I wanted to pull the clothes higher up the thighs, she resisted, but I saw the beautiful ankles, the tiny boots and feet, the creamy flesh of the thigh just above the garter, thighs thickening, folding over, squeezing together, and hiding her cunt from view when I tried to look up.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">I had hid my prick, the fear had come over me of her thinking it small, and that prevented it standing again. An hour ran away. \u201cI\u2019m going\u201d, said she rising. My prick stood at the instant. \u201cLet me.\u201d \u201cMake haste then.\u201d As she stood up I put my hand up her petticoats. She put her hand down, and gave my prick a hard squeeze. I hollowed,\u2013she laughed.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">\u201cI\u2019ve a good mind not to let you, \u2014 you\u2019ve been so long, \u2014 but you may do it.\u201d She got on to the bedside. \u201cOh ! for God\u2019s sake don\u2019t move, \u2014 that attitude is exquisite.\u201d One leg was well on the bed, the petticoats were squeezed up, and the leg on the ground from the boot-heel to about four inches above her garter was visible. She was half turning round, her lovely breasts, or rather one of them showed half-front, and with her head looking round at me as she was moving, it altogether made a ravishingly luscious picture. I put my hands up from behind between her thighs. That broke the spell, she moved on to the bed directly, \u2014 I on to her.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">\u201cOh ! God you are heavenly, lovely, \u2014 oh ! God my darling, \u2014 oh !\u201d I was spending and kissing her too quickly again; lust almost deprived me of my pleasure. In a dozen shoves I was empty. It was all over.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">\u201cHow quietly you stood in that attitude\u201d, said I. \u201cI can stand in an attitude nearly five minutes without moving, almost without showing that I am breathing, without winking an eye.\u201d ..I thought nothing of this at the time, excepting that it was brag.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">\u201cGive me five shillings, for I have been a long time with you, \u2014 I\u2019ve a reason, \u2014 I won\u2019t ask you again.\u201d I gave it her. \u201cShall you be in Regent Street to-morrow morning?\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" style=\"color: #571515; font-family: Georgia, sans-serif; text-align: center;\" title=\"Page 526\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">I was in Regent Street, met her, and had her you may be sure, and repeated these meetings for a week daily, and sometimes twice a day; but got no more than the shortest time with her, the quickest fuck, a rapid uncunting. She did not spend with me, and showed no signs of pleasure, scarcely took the trouble to move her bum, would not undress, would not let me look at her cunt. I submitted to it, for I was caught, but did not know that then, \u2014 she did. That is she knew that I was damnably lewd upon her, and used that knowledge to suit her convenience. I had no right to grumble at it. I need not have had her, had I not liked upon those terms. But I did. At length I grumbled, and at last almost had a quarrel. \u201cI won\u2019t see you again\u201d, said I. \u201cNo one asks you\u201d, said she.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">As my means were not large, and my purse grew rather empty, I was glad to keep away a few days. Then again I saw her in Regent Street; and after giving her the wink followed her. She walked on, but instead of going to the house, passed the end of the street. On she went, I went close to her, it was the second time I had spoken to her in the street. \u201cOh! I did not understand you\u201d, she said, \u201cbesides I\u2019m in a hurry.\u201d \u201cOh ! do come.\u201d \u201cWell I can\u2019t stop five minutes.\u201d \u201cNonsense.\u201d \u201cWell then I can\u2019t\u201d,-and she went on walking. My prick got the better of my temper. \u201cWell come back.\u201d She turned round, and bent her way to J\u2026 s Street, saying, \u201cDon\u2019t let us go in together.\u201d<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">When in the house she got on to the bed without a moment\u2019s delay. I had her, and she was out of the house again in less than ten minutes, leaving me in a very angry state of mind; but she promised to meet me the following night if she could, and to stay longer with me.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">She came an hour late, and found me fretting and fuming in the bed- room. They did not hurry me now at that house, I being already known there, and gave me whenever they could the same chamber. \u201cI\u2019m in a great hurry\u201d, were the first words Sarah said. \u201cWhy you told me you would stay longer.\u201d \u201cYes, \u2014 I am sorry, but I can\u2019t.\u201d \u201cYou never can, \u2014 but take off your gown.\u201d \u201cI really can\u2019t, \u2014 have me at the side of the bed, \u2014 you wanted it so the other day.\u201d \u201cNo I won\u2019t.\u201d \u201cThen I\u2019ll get on the bed\u201d,-and on she got. I tried to open her legs, to turn her round to see her bum (I had never seen it yet properly). No she would not undress, she would do nothing, \u2014 I might have it her way, or leave it alone and go. How green it was to submit to all this.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" style=\"color: #571515; font-family: Georgia, sans-serif; text-align: center;\" title=\"Page 527\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">I lost my temper, for my delight I saw was in her lovely form, in her physical beauty; whilst she seemed to think that the only joy I could have was to spend in her cunt as fast as I could. \u201cI won\u2019t have you at all\u201d, said I getting resolute at last. \u201cAll right\u201d, said she getting off the bed, \u201cI\u2019m really in a hurry, \u2014 another night I will.\u201d \u201cAnother night be damned\u2014you are nearly a bilk, \u2014 there\u201d, \u2014 and I threw the sovereign on a table, and put on my hat. \u201cAre you going?\u201d \u201cYes, I\u2019m going to get some woman who is not ashamed of her cunt.\u201d \u201cGo along then.\u201d Off I went. When half-way down the stairs I heard her calling to me to come back, but savage I went off.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">I walked up Regent Street savage with her, and with myself too, for not having had my fuck, even if she had gone away a minute afterwards. Randy as the devil I saw a woman at the corner of the Circus, and accosted her, she turned away, I accosted her again. \u201cWill you come with me?\u201d \u201cYes if you like.\u201d \u201cDo you know a house about here?\u201d \u201cNo I\u2019m a stranger.\u201d Then I took her to J. . .s Street, had her two or three times and toyed with her a long time, stopping till she would stop no longer, saying she should be locked out if she was not off. She was only half-gay I think, and wanted a fuck. I had just offered myself in time. She was a biggish woman of about thirty years of age. After I had fucked her the first time, we laid on the bed together; she played with my prick till it was stiff again, and then turning on to her back said, \u201cCome on, \u2014 let\u2019s have it again.\u201d<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">I thought much of my fine limbed Sarah Mavis, but it was with anger. A fuck for ten shillings was all very well when randy, but even when in a hurry I never was satisfied till I had pulled the cunt open, and given it a general inspection, although it was generally but a rapid one in those days. If I had the same woman again another day, it was because I liked her and liked to talk to her, for I always found them more complaisant the longer I knew them. But here had I been having a woman daily, and sometimes twice a day, mainly because she was so exquisite in form (for I had some idea even then that her cunt was not a good fit to my prick;) yet I had never seen her cunt, nor her backside, nor her bubbies, nor her arm-pits, nor her navel, nor anything properly, and so I determined not to have her again, and to dismiss her from my mind. But I was hooked.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" style=\"color: #571515; font-family: Georgia, sans-serif; text-align: center;\" title=\"Page 528\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">To economise I again went with cheap women, and seemed to get just as nice women for ten shillings as I did for twenty; but I had taken a liking for the house in J\u2026s Street, which was an expensive one, and liked the best room, and took my cheap women to my dear room. One woman said, \u201cWell you might give me a little more, and have a cheaper room, \u2014 the room gets nearly as much as you give me.\u201d And I saw a woman there one night pocket the comb, and a piece of soap, \u2014 she stole them. I heard in pleasant conversation afterwards, that soap and combs were often stolen by women, \u2014 especially soap.<\/p><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">About a fortnight afterwards I saw my Venus again, and again was closetted with her. I could resist my desire for her no longer, for having never ceased thinking of her even when fucking other women. She was just as calm, but there was a little, quiet spite about her. When she had taken off her bonnet, and looked at me for a minute with her mouth open as usual, she said, \u201cI suppose you have been having other women.\u201d I can\u2019t tell why it was, but I lied, and said \u201cno.\u201d \u201cWhat did you go upstairs with one for?\u201d said she, \u201cthe night after you left me, \u2014 I was in the parlour, and peeping through the door saw you and the woman who stumbled at the foot of the stairs\u201d (which was the fact). \u201cWell I did\u201d, I replied, \u201cand saw her cunt, \u2014 and that\u2019s more than I ever saw of yours.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve seen as much as you will.\u201d Putting on my hat in rage, \u201cThen I may as well go, \u2014 here is your money\u201d, \u2014 and I turned towards the door. \u201cDon\u2019t be a fool\u201d, said she, \u201cwhat do you want? \u2014 what do all you men want? \u2014 you are all beasts alike, you\u2019re never satisfied.\u201d She was angry. \u201cDon\u2019t be in a hurry, and let\u2019s see your precious cunt.\u201d I recollect saying that very distinctly, being angry, \u2014 and that up to that time I had been chaste in my remarks. I was at that time of my life not at all lewd or strong in word with women when we first met, but was somewhat less so so soon as I warmed, and only when randy to the highest degree or by fits and starts, spiced my conversation highly with lewd expressions<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>VOLUME 3 CHAPTER 12 Preliminary. \u2022 My taste for beauty of form. \u2022 Sarah Mavis. \u2022 Midday in the Quadrant. \u2022 No. 13 J\u2026s Street. \u2022 A bargain in the hall. \u2022 A woman with a will. \u2022 Fears about my size. \u2022 Muck. \u2022 Cold-blooded. \u2022 Tyranny. \u2022 My temper. \u2022 Submission. \u2022 A &hellip;<\/p>\n<p class=\"read-more\"> <a class=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/?page_id=1368\"> <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Volume Three Chapter Twelve<\/span> Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-1368","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1368"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1368"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1368\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3820,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1368\/revisions\/3820"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1368"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}