{"id":1563,"date":"2022-08-23T17:53:12","date_gmt":"2022-08-23T17:53:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/?page_id=1563"},"modified":"2022-09-18T16:06:46","modified_gmt":"2022-09-18T16:06:46","slug":"volume-five-chapter-eight","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/?page_id=1563","title":{"rendered":"Volume Five Chapter Eight"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-page\" data-elementor-id=\"1563\" class=\"elementor elementor-1563\" data-elementor-settings=\"[]\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-section-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-d60854b elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"d60854b\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-2402943\" data-id=\"2402943\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-fc0cb65 elementor-widget elementor-widget-html\" data-id=\"fc0cb65\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"html.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/embed\/album\/3hNmaj26Di1ANLpaLkJvE1\" width=\"300\" height=\"380\" frameborder=\"0\" allowtransparency=\"true\" allow=\"encrypted-media\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-50 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-f580a60\" data-id=\"f580a60\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-0cfcda2 elementor-widget elementor-widget-html\" data-id=\"0cfcda2\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"html.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/embed\/album\/15YHZgZ2iwCaYGLp06Nik2\" width=\"300\" height=\"380\" frameborder=\"0\" allowtransparency=\"true\" allow=\"encrypted-media\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-e3c1615 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"e3c1615\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-d2c8ad7\" data-id=\"d2c8ad7\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-029ca86 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"029ca86\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div style=\"color: #470e0e; font-family: Georgia, sans-serif; text-align: center;\" title=\"Page 694\"><div><div><div id=\"content\" class=\"site-content\"><div class=\"ast-container\"><div id=\"primary\" class=\"content-area primary\"><main id=\"main\" class=\"site-main\"><article id=\"post-2863\" class=\"post-2863 page type-page status-publish ast-article-single\"><div class=\"entry-content clear\"><div class=\"elementor elementor-2863\" data-elementor-type=\"wp-page\" data-elementor-id=\"2863\" data-elementor-settings=\"[]\"><div class=\"elementor-section-wrap\"><section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-b6a17f7 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"b6a17f7\" data-element_type=\"section\"><div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\"><div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-7a55af0\" data-id=\"7a55af0\" data-element_type=\"column\"><div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\"><div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-0f2ab32 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"0f2ab32\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\"><div class=\"elementor-widget-container\"><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 909\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p>VOLUME 5 CHAPTER 8<\/p><p><i>Argyle women. \u2022 Curiosity. \u2022 Female spite. \u2022 A lover of athletes. \u2022 Artistic libidinousity. \u2022 Reminiscences of the widow in ball dress. \u2022 A lovely blonde. \u2022 N**l**e H****s. \u2022 A perfect fit. \u2022 Sympathetic embraces. \u2022 My restlessness. \u2022 Her coolness. \u2022 Nascent affection. \u2022 Her absence and return. \u2022 Her funny little maid. \u2022 Refusal, and insistence. \u2022 Clapped. \u2022 A month after. \u2022 A gamahuching frig. Her disappearance. \u2022 Four years after. \u2022 At a ball. \u2022 Ten years after.<\/i><\/p><p>For some time before and after this, I went to the Argyle rooms two or three times weekly, and had fully a score of the finest women there. I changed my women frequently, and satisfied my whims. The tallest, then the shortest, I took for contrast. One I had heard was so voluptuous that she would fuck a man silly, and I had her. One I had for her bold eyes \u2014 an-other because the Duke of R* ** * *d \u2014 had kept her, another who boasted that two of the biggest pugilists of the day had had her, for I was curious to learn some-thing about the genitals and copulative vigour of the bruisers. The lady told me much, and perhaps a good many lies about them. That woman, I heard from other women, was known to have a letch for big, powerful men, and the lady herself told me of several she had had besides the bruisers already mentioned.<\/p><p>A gay lady whom I went home with shortly after, told me spiteful stories about this lecherous one, when she heard I had tailed her. Said that if she took a fancy to a cabman, or a butcher, she let them have her for love. A big soldier, she would take home to fuck her even if she were hard up for money at the time; \u2014 at which my informant affected\u2019 to feel great disgust; but it neither surprises, nor disgusts me. I don\u2019t see as the woman had gone in for harlotry, why she should not gratify her lusts as much as I do. Perhaps fucking is her only real pleasure. \u2014 One woman whom I went home with got maudlin, but she fucked me dry, and said amidst tears which she shed at intervals copiously, that fucking was the only thing she lived for, adding often, \u201cYou do fuck lovely, you do, I\u2019d like to sleep with you always.\u201d But I never had her afterwards.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 910\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p>When I saw an usually handsomely dressed woman, the charming widow of whom I have already told as laying on the bedside in silk, satin, and diamonds, came into my mind; and if her looks pleased me, I went home with that lady. \u2014 After her out door garments were removed, it was, \u2014 \u201cDon\u2019t take any thing more off, I want to see your cunt, just as you are dressed, let me feel you. \u2014 Oh you have drawers on (sometimes). Take them off, but nothing else.\u201d Then on the bed side, I saw their charms up to their navels; then placed them, to begin with, in a lazy careless attitude on the bed, just as they might be if they had lain down to take a nap by themselves, and showing little more than ankles. Then I pulled up their clothes partially, and then up to their thighs, not even then showing their cunts; and I looked, made them roll and move about on the bed, as a restless sleeper might, and so I saw them on all sides in natural, semi- nude attitudes, restraining my impatience to see their cunts, which it was my desire to see.<\/p><p>Then I went to the end of the room so that I might see the voluptuous picture from the distance. \u2014 \u201cPull up your clothes so that I can see your motte \u2014 there \u2014 just so, as if you were feeling your quim \u2014 put one leg up so that I can see your cunt well \u2014 open your thighs more \u2014 turn on your side so that I can see your cunt well from behind.\u201d \u2014 All this usually amused them, but occasionally they objected angrily. \u2014 \u201cYou are a cure\u201d (a cant phrase then), was often said. Then closer I saw all their charms. \u2014 I loved to see the lace, and Vandyked or flounced petticoats falling here and there carelessly about their limbs, \u2014 sometimes hiding this thigh, some times that, some times half their cunt. These were charming pictures to me.<\/p><p>One of the postures in which I nearly always had them last before fucking them, was kneeling on the bed with their clothes dropping naturally over their limbs. Then I lifted their petticoats first up to their knees, and looked at them, then over their backsides, and after having had a good look at the hairy pouters and notch, I brought them round on to their backs on the bed side. \u2014 My throbbing prick by that time over- powered my wishes for further artistically libidinous postures, and I fucked them there and then.<\/p><p>And what appears to me not a little singular, after my experience at the station privy, after the dislike, and the intense dislike I had even to think\u00a0<span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">about a woman\u2019s fundament, I begin now with these gay ladies when in bum-to-front posture, to look from their cunts, past the intervening division to their arseholes, to see what the tight wrinkled orifices looked like, to study them, and even touch them at times with my finger. I begin to think that no part of a nice woman is anything but charming. The having seen and touched a woman everywhere, adds to my sympathy and liking for her. Strange that this should come about in the short space of three or four years. Am I subject to revulsion of feelings on sexual points \u2014 or is it that the scope of my desires is enlarged, and I now take in more of the female form for ministering to my lewed pleasures.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 911\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p>This brought me at times funny remarks from some of the lovely libidinous creatures. \u2014 Said one, \u201cNone of that \u2014 that\u2019s virgin.\u201d \u201cMy dear it is only curiosity.\u201d<span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">\u2014 Another turned herself round suddenly and laughed.<\/span><span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">\u2014 \u201cWhat are you laughing at?\u201d \u201cTen pounds for that, and pay down.\u201d \u201cMy dear I\u2019ve no intention of putting in there if that\u2019s what you mean.\u201d \u201cI dare say not, but men have strange fancies.\u201d \u2014 That woman put strange fancies into my head, for I feel sure that she wanted ten pounds for stretching her sphincter \u2014 and think from what she said afterwards, that she would have taken the stretching without the ten pounds, had I desired it.<\/span><\/p><p>One night toward the end of this continuous change of women, I saw there a very lovely creature, a half blonde of middle height, of faultless feature, and with teeth and complexion exquisite. \u2014 At a glance she seemed to me to have all that I loved in form. She moved about without noticing the other women, or only spoke to one or two quite briefly, \u2014 \u201cand seemed as if she did not belong to the class.\u201d \u2014 Other women I noticed looked after her and some spitefully. \u201cThere is N**l*e H****s,\u201d I heard some say. I was struck immediately with her, with a desire to be in her society, to know her, speak with her, quite as much as with a desire to have her: lust indeed for the moment seemed without its influence. [I have had a similar wish, and sudden attraction towards other women, to whom I have taken a liking \u2014 a liking of which no doubt the root was lust \u2014 but which in the first phase, lust for was for a time forgotten or dormant.]<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 912\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p>No doubt a desire to fuck her, to be part of her body, as it were, for the time, must have flashed through me, but the carnal want if I had it then (and I\u2019m not sure) was for the moment eclipsed by admiration, and a feeling which may perhaps be called pure love.<\/p><p>I addressed her politely. \u201cMay I have the pleasure of going home with you?\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t recollect you, have you been introduced to me?\u201d \u201cNo, but you may introduce me yourself, to yourself, in any way you like.\u201d She laughed, looked at her watch and then at me all over.<\/p><p>\u2014 \u201cI don\u2019t want to leave here before eleven, my brougham won\u2019t be here, and I am expecting some one.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ll wait but may I sleep with you?\u201d \u201cYes, perhaps, I\u2019ll see.\u201d Then for fear of subsequent unpleasantry, I said after a little reflection, \u201cI can only give you so much.\u201d Again she looked me over quickly, and said, \u201cVery well,\u201d with a laugh.<\/p><p>We went home in her brougham to B****t*n S****e<\/p><p>\u2014 I did not speak a lewed word on the road \u2014 I felt delicate about it. \u201cYou didn\u2019t offer me any supper,\u201d said she on her arrival. \u201cYou didn\u2019t ask.\u201d Her servant brought her some. \u2014 \u201cWill you give me some champagne?\u201d \u201cWillingly; shall your servant fetch it?\u201d \u201cI have some in the house.\u201d We both had some, and some cold meat, then went to the bed room, and I there kissed her for the first time, and she me. \u2013 \u201cOblige me before you undress.\u201d \u201cWhat?\u201d \u201cLay down just as you are, and let me see your charms unless you have drawers on.\u201d \u201cI have none,\u201d and laughing she got on to the bed. I threw her clothes up so as to show one leg and half of her belly, and the other leg partially, and went to the other side of the room to con-template her pose. Her limbs were white, beautiful in form, and she looked exquisitely voluptuous as she lay with a bit of the delicate fringe of her cunt filling up the triangle of her thighs and belly; silk stockings and kid boots, fitting to perfection, added to the charm. \u2014 I rushed up to her and kissed her motte, then rapidly undressing, got into bed, she leisurely followed. By the time she had piddled I was wild with anticipation of pleasure to come. \u2014 \u201cNo, leave both candles burning, my love.\u201d<\/p><p>She cuddled up to me, in a winning quiet way. It was a coldish night, the sort of night when the naked flesh of a woman feels most exquisite to me, as it touches my own. My prick lay squeezed between our two bellies so\u00a0<span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">close had I drawn her. \u2014 \u201cHow stiff it is,\u201d said she laughing. \u2014 I kissed her as if I could devour her, then loosening her, my hand felt all over her cunt, my fingers went up it. I restrained myself from coition, but almost groaned with lust. \u2014 \u201cDo it,\u201d said she in a sweet little voice. \u201cLet me see your cunt.\u201d \u2014 She turned on her back (her nightgown already up to her breasts), opened her thighs, and I saw a perfectly lovely cunt in the midst of a light auburn silky thicket. \u2014 Then with a thrill and murmur of delight, I put my prick up it. \u2014 I thrill with delight at the recollection as I write of it now, and in too short a time we died off in each other\u2019s arms, with throbbing, ecstatic pleasures. Can the joys of paradise be greater than those I feel when my prick moves for the first time in the smooth, moist, warm cunt of a lovely woman, when that cunt, in its slip and profundity, seems made for my prick, as N**l*e H****s seemed made for mine \u2014 a perfect fit.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 913\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p>\u201cNo don\u2019t wash.\u201d \u201cYes, I always do.\u201d \u201cYou shan\u2019t.\u201d \u201cI must,\u201d and she did. \u201cI\u2019ll look at it well if you do.\u201d \u201cAs you like.\u201d \u2014 I washed my prick, and we laid on the bed, and I looked at her from back bone to navel. \u2014 How I revelled in the sight. \u2014 \u201cNow are you satisfied?\u201d \u2014 \u201cYes, for a minute, but I could look you all over for ever.\u201d<\/p><p>Then I cuddled her. \u201cLet me go to sleep.\u201d \u201cNo, I must have you again.\u201d \u2014 She laid feeling my prick, I her cunt. We were both very quiet, \u2014 she was not a talker I found. How delicious was that quiet feel, and the rising voluptuousness gradually stealing through me. I stiffened. \u2014 \u201cPut it in.\u201d \u201cNot yet love, let me feel you longer.\u201d \u2014 Again we were quiet. \u201cI shall spend if you keep on \u2014 put it in.\u201d \u2014 Then into her and up her I went, and had a delicious rest inside before movement. How exquisite she looked as silently we lay, how perfectly her vagina seemed to fit my prick. A throbbing grip of her cunt hurried me into action, \u2014 she spent with me, \u2014 and seemingly enervated, turned and went to sleep without washing this time.<\/p><p>In a couple of hours I awakened \u2014 it seemed a sin to awaken her, but I did by lascivious touches. \u2014 What odd fancies I have with women. With one I do one thing, \u2014 with another something different. I wonder if other men have such baudy whims. Puffing down the clothes and unskinning my prick, I rubbed it gently over her naked bum. Then I wetted her bum with my spittle, and rubbed my prick there till it was erect, then got\u00a0<span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">gently out of bed and pushed my prick near to her face, it delighted me to be doing so, and she unconscious. Then laying down I tried to insert my prick in her cunt from behind, which awakened her.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 914\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p>\u201cWhat are you doing, what do you awaken me for?\u201d said she angrily. \u201cLet\u2019s do it.\u201d \u201cI shan\u2019t, you\u2019ve done it twice, you may do it again in the morning, \u2014 I never let men do it more than twice to me \u2014 I won\u2019t.\u201d \u201cThen let me feel you, there \u2014 just \u2014 just so,\u201d and I slipped a finger partly up her cunt from behind. \u201cOh don\u2019t, your nails hurt,\u201d said she turning on to her back to escape me. My hand slipped over her lovely haunches, I raised myself on my elbow and instantly my fingers were on her clitoris. \u201cI can\u2019t bear men sleeping with me, \u2014 I nearly always lay awake all night, \u2014 I was nearly asleep,\u201d said she angrily. \u2014 I had been as I often was at first with women, quite delicate in my phraseology. \u2014 Now I talked lewedly, coarsely, her cunt excited me, I kissed her all over incessantly, \u2014 I smelt her cunt, and much wonder I did not lick it, gradually she yielded, laughed and opening her thighs,<\/p><p>\u2014 \u201cOh what a lewed beast you are,\u201d she said. \u2014 I got between them at once. \u2014 She had refused my tongue before but now she joined it to hers. \u2014 \u201cOh, you beast \u2014 how lewed you\u2019ve made me,\u201d and sympathetically moving her thighs, silence came over us, as my prick thrust deep, and short, and quick, as we mingled our spittles, and my sperm shot out into her cunt again. Soon now we were both asleep, my wet prick trailing over her lovely thigh, she on her back with thighs open.<\/p><p>But I could not rest. Tho I had had plenty of fucking recently, I felt with her as if I had not had a woman for a month. Something in this woman stirred my lust in its innermost recesses. I felt spooney. I could not help awaking her, and I roused her lust, for she responded, and we fucked, and fucked, till no sperm would come from me. \u2014 \u201cOh what a lewed beast you are,\u201d she kept saying, and then she spent. \u2014 At length nature insisted on repose and it was eleven o\u2019clock before we awakened. \u2014 She had quite recovered her coolness. \u2014 Yes she had slept well. She rarely did with men. \u2014 She felt she could sleep by the side of me tho a stranger. \u2014 She did not know why. \u2014 No I could not have her the next night. And mind, not such another night, when I did. \u2014 I could come three days hence, she was engaged every night till then. She went to the Argyle just to see friends, but whether she went there or not did not matter. \u2014 Look\u00a0<span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">at her letters. I did, and saw several asking the evenings she might be disengaged. \u2014 She took my money as if it were dirt and I departed.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 915\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p>Another and another night I had her, my heart began to beat with a feeling of love and affection for her, and spite of her I roused her lust and we fucked till prick and cunt were sore. \u2014 Then she went away with a friend, and I saw no more of her for a month. She then had moved to another house. I saw her once or twice there but she would not let me sleep with her. Then I was away for a little time, and called on her on my re-turn one morning. \u2014 She could not see me, she was engaged. \u2014 Again I called in the afternoon. Then she was out, her little maid said, and smirked at me, and behaved funnily. \u2014 \u201cYou won\u2019t see her, \u2014 oh dear no, even if you call again. \u2014 I wouldn\u2019t call again if I were you.\u201d \u2014 I tipped her half a sovereign, and then she said Mrs. H* * * *s was at home when I called in the morning, and that no one was with her, but she would not see me. She would be back presently. \u2014 I would wait I said. \u2014 \u201cOh pray do my dear, but I\u2019ve told you not mind,\u201d and she began trying on bonnets of her mistress which were laying in the room. How did she look. \u201cShouldn\u2019t I get gentlemen if I had fine bon-nets?\u201d \u201cYes if you had a fine leg.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s not so bad is it?\u201d said she pulling up her clothes to her knees, and dropping them.<\/p><p>I began chaffing her. \u201cYou\u2019ve made my cock stiff.\u201d \u201cOh fie.\u201d \u2014 \u201cLook at it,\u201d and out it came. \u201cOh fie. \u2014 I\u2019ll tell my husband.\u201d \u201cMarried?\u201d \u201cYes,\u201d \u2014 her husband was a potman at a public close by, and not good for much.<br \/>\u2014 \u201cHe fucks you?\u201d \u201cYes he does it at times.\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t tell Mrs. H****s you\u2019ve seen my prick.\u201d \u201cOh lud no. I shouldn\u2019t be here long if I did \u2014 now don\u2019t you wait, it\u2019s no good \u2014 I wouldn\u2019t if I were you \u2014 you\u2019d better not. We are going to see our mother my dear. Don\u2019t you see we\u2019ve got new bonnets to go in?\u201d all said in a jocular manner, \u201cWe\u2019ve had enough of it for the present \u2014 we\u2019ll have a rest.\u201d \u2014 \u201cAh,\u201d said I, \u201cshe\u2019s got a lover she is going away with.\u201d \u201cPerhaps she has, perhaps she ain\u2019t.\u201d \u201cShe won\u2019t go without some one to fuck her.\u201d \u201cShe\u2019s had enough of fucking,\u201d said the little maid. \u201cNow what are you waiting for \u2014 it\u2019s no good, she won\u2019t see you if she comes in.\u201d<\/p><p>This went on for an hour or so \u2014 I thought the little woman was light headed, or half screwed, and tired of waiting, left at last. \u2014 \u201cDon\u2019t call again it\u2019s no use,\u201d were her parting words, but I did at about nine that\u00a0<span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">night. \u2014 \u201cShe\u2019s not in,\u201d said the maid, but I pushed her aside and rushed up stairs into the bedroom, and there was N*ll*e. \u2014 She was angry \u2014 she was engaged. She would see me tomorrow. But the next morning I was off to L*v**p**I. \u2014 Then she was taciturn, no she could not, she expected some one she said, all the time scarcely looking at me, but at the wall and lights. \u2014 Then I swore I would not go till I had her, and thinking more money was wanted I offered her more. Then with her clothes on she mounted the bed and I fucked her twice. She laid in a dreamy way looking at the walls, scarcely a word could I get out of her between the operations, and I don\u2019t think she spent with me. She remarked once that she would dismiss her maid for letting me pass up stairs.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 916\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p>Next day I went to L*v**p**l and the morning after, found I had the clap. I know it must have been from N**l*e, for I had been keeping myself chaste with the hopes of having her. \u2014 Her strange manner came to my mind, her maid\u2019s funny manner as well, and I felt certain later on that the maid had tried to prevent my seeing her mistress, knowing that she had some ailment. I wrote N**l*e directly telling her frankly, and I came back to London, not savage, but feeling wounded, hurt, but with the kindest feelings towards her. I can\u2019t think how I was so foolish, but I flattered myself she did not know that she had the ailment and that I was doing her a service in telling her. \u2014 The little maid opened the door. \u2014 \u201cOh-la, here we are again,\u201d said she in her jocular manner. \u201cNot at home \u2014 we are not at home. \u2014 We\u2019ve gone to see our mother. \u2014 Call again in a month.\u201d \u2014 She looked at me enquiringly, but I made no disclosure and went away. \u2014 My clap was a bad one. I called when well at the end of four weeks or so, saw N**l*e and told her I was not angry, and that such things would happen. \u2014 But she denied most indignantly that she had caused it, she had never had an ailment in her life, some beast of a woman must have given it me, but not she.<\/p><p>I longed to see her lovely form and exquisite cunt, and tho wisely I could not have her, I asked. \u2014 No I was a beast with that ailment and she would not. \u201cDon\u2019t be foolish \u2014 I can\u2019t hurt you. \u2014 Let me.\u201d The more she refused the more I longed, \u2014 longed so that I got furious and scarcely knew what I did. I put all the money I had on the table, my lustful infatuation was so great. The money conquered. She laid at the edge of the bed, I kissed her cunt and thighs, I groaned to have her, but my prick stood with a violent pain in it, and the doctor that morning had told me\u00a0<span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">not to excite myself; that altho I could do no harm to a woman if I fucked her, I might do much harm to myself. \u2014 But my lust was irresistible. Almost involuntarily I pulled out my prick and with two or three frigs spent in a spasm of pain and pleasure, whilst holding one of her white thighs with my left hand, and I buried my tongue in her cunt, and sucked and licked it in lustful fury. \u2014 With a sudden effort she freed herself. \u201cYou beast you\u2019ve frigged yourself,\u201d said she. I confessed it. \u2014 \u201cYou shall never have me again then.\u201d \u2014 \u201cWhy did you not have me if you are well enough, when I allowed you?\u201d Then we quarrelled.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 917\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p>I drove home. The irritation of my prick was great and it pained me much, but I was mad with lust and frigged myself again, moaning as I spent. \u2014 Then I took medicine, the clap returned with virulence, I had the worst and most painful features, sleepless nights, and more than a month passed before I was well. \u2014 When I called on Mrs. H* * * *s she had left, and gone no one knew where, and years elapsed before I set eyes on her again, and as there is so little more to tell, I may as well complete at once the narrative of so much as I know about her.<\/p><p>In the month of * * * four years later, I went to a public ball. Public tho select, the tickets for ladies if not well known, being obtained with great difficulty. It was a splendid affair, the toilettes were superb, the men mostly in uniform. \u2014 A friend nudged me. \u201cThere is a lovely woman just by you.\u201d I turned round and saw N**l*e H****s \u2014 superb in jewels and lace, and more beautiful than ever. \u2014 \u201cDo you know her,\u201d said he. \u2014 \u201cKnow her? why she gave me one of the worst claps I ever had.\u201d \u201cHush!\u201d said he, \u201cshe is the wife of Captain W**t****ny.\u201d She knew me again I am sure. \u2014 We danced in the same quadrille, and I even touched her hand in it, but of course we made no signs of recognition. Her manners were composed as usual, and I don\u2019t think she even coloured up when she saw me. I thought the whole evening about her, and my cock stood repeatedly.<\/p><p>(Three or four years after I fancied I saw her in an elegant close carriage in the park, but thought I must have made a mistake. \u2014 Talking full ten years after-wards with a friend at * * * * he introduced me to R* * * *s. \u2014 \u201cThat lucky fellow,\u201d said my friend, \u201cinherited R**s fortune. Don\u2019t you recollect he married that lovely little N*l*e H****s. Both she and Lord R are dead, and he then came into the property.\u201d)<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 918\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\"><p>Sweet N**l*e \u2014 I have often thought of your cunt when my prick has been in another woman\u2019s, and of my infatuation which soon would have become desperate love, had it not been for that clap which was perhaps not so bad a thing for me after all.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/section><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/article><\/main><\/div><\/div><\/div><p style=\"font-size: 16px;\">\u00a0<\/p><footer id=\"colophon\" class=\"site-footer\"><div class=\"site-above-footer-wrap ast-builder-grid-row-container site-footer-focus-item ast-builder-grid-row-2-equal ast-builder-grid-row-tablet-2-equal ast-builder-grid-row-mobile-full ast-footer-row-stack ast-footer-row-tablet-stack ast-footer-row-mobile-stack\" data-section=\"section-above-footer-builder\"><div class=\"ast-builder-grid-row-container-inner\"><div class=\"ast-builder-footer-grid-columns site-above-footer-inner-wrap ast-builder-grid-row\">\u00a0<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/footer><\/div><\/div><\/div><div style=\"color: #470e0e; font-family: Georgia, sans-serif; text-align: center;\" title=\"Page 699\"><div><div>\u00a0<\/div><\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>VOLUME 5 CHAPTER 8 Argyle women. \u2022 Curiosity. \u2022 Female spite. \u2022 A lover of athletes. \u2022 Artistic libidinousity. \u2022 Reminiscences of the widow in ball dress. \u2022 A lovely blonde. \u2022 N**l**e H****s. \u2022 A perfect fit. \u2022 Sympathetic embraces. \u2022 My restlessness. \u2022 Her coolness. \u2022 Nascent affection. \u2022 Her absence and return. &hellip;<\/p>\n<p class=\"read-more\"> <a class=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/?page_id=1563\"> <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Volume Five Chapter Eight<\/span> Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-1563","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1563"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1563"}],"version-history":[{"count":19,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1563\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2531,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1563\/revisions\/2531"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1563"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}