{"id":1694,"date":"2022-08-28T17:35:18","date_gmt":"2022-08-28T17:35:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/?page_id=1694"},"modified":"2022-09-22T18:33:06","modified_gmt":"2022-09-22T18:33:06","slug":"volume-seven-chapter-six","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/?page_id=1694","title":{"rendered":"Volume Seven Chapter Six"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-page\" data-elementor-id=\"1694\" class=\"elementor elementor-1694\" data-elementor-settings=\"[]\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-section-wrap\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-d384b6a elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"d384b6a\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-ebf5c1f\" data-id=\"ebf5c1f\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-cbaedde elementor-widget elementor-widget-html\" data-id=\"cbaedde\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"html.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/embed\/album\/1kcYIJqKyxcXtOmZAYWvBw\" width=\"300\" height=\"380\" frameborder=\"0\" allowtransparency=\"true\" allow=\"encrypted-media\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-215c780 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"215c780\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-ef1af80\" data-id=\"ef1af80\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a179e0d elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"a179e0d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 1333\">\n<div class=\"layoutArea\">\n<div class=\"column\">\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 18.000000pt; font-family: 'Arial'; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(34.900000%, 34.900000%, 34.900000%);\">Volume 7 Chapter<\/span><span style=\"font-size: 15.000000pt; font-family: 'Arial'; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(34.900000%, 34.900000%, 34.900000%);\">&nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"font-size: 18.000000pt; font-family: 'Arial'; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(34.900000%, 34.900000%, 34.900000%);\">6 <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia'; font-weight: bold;\">Change in social conditions. \u2022 Fifteen months&#8217; fidelity. \u2022 Virtuous struggles with self. \u2022 Fornication resumed. \u2022 Lucubrations on sexualities. \u2022 Recurrent lusts. \u2022 Copulative power. \u2022 Knowledge of the art of love. \u2022 Girls surprized. \u2022 Influence over women. \u2022 Age guessed by pudenda. \u2022 Novel lusts. \u2022 Female humbugging. \u2022 Men deceived. \u2022 Impetutous stroking. \u2022 Camille revisited. \u2022 Promiscuity. \u2022 Clapped. \u2022 On lubricity in cunts. \u2022 My ways with Cyprians. \u2022 Notes on temporary connections. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">[With Winifred terminated my four years of free-dom. I fell in love and was changed, yet my amorous frailty clung to me. \u2014 I loved deeply, truly, shall love to my dying hour, and, spite of my infidelity, would at any time have slain any one of my paramours rather than have give her pain. \u2014 Why with this feeling I sought the Cyprians, demireps, sluts, and strumpets, which I have done, I cannot explain, nor the frame of mind which led me into lascivious vagaries and aberrations, fancies and caprices, yet to be told of. From time to time, I have already given my views on the sexual relations of man and woman, and of the uses which they may be permitted naturally, if not legitimately, to make of their own bodies. \u2014 From those views, coupled with my practice yet to be narrated, I might now &#8221; in my sear and yellow leaf,&#8221; form some opinion of my own nature, which seems contradictory enough even to myself. But I make no attempt to theorise on my idiosyncracy, or to analyze my character. This is a history of my private life which deals with facts alone, and not with conjectures.] <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">[Again it must be stated that all paragraphs enclosed with brackets thus [ ] have been written since the manuscript of my life was finished, and have been added at this revision, when the narrative is put into form, revised, and much of the manuscript destroyed.] <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">I cannot tell the exact time that some of the following paragraphs were written, they are fragmentary lucubrations. Some were mixed up apparently with portions of my narrative a little later on, and some were not, but they possess evidence of having been all written during my&nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--ast-global-color-3); font-family: Georgia; font-size: 14pt; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">period of chastity, and within a year or two after my chastity ceased, and no doubt all of them were written at this time of my life. All are evidence of my mental condition on sexual matters at that particular period, as I well even now recollect. They were not in many cases attached to particular pages of the manuscript, and some are without date, but I should have no difficulty in assigning their places closely, if it were worth the trouble to do so.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 1334\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\">\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">It is a full quarter of a century since my prick first entered a woman&#8217;s cunt. \u2014 A great change has now taken place in my social condition, and full fifteen months passed away during which I have been chaste \u2014 I do not find a single note or memorandum about illicit amours as they are called. \u2014 Indeed can swear that I never had any, and that all my sexual worship was given to one woman. Never before or since have I been so faithful, but she is worthy of it. \u2014 Then a change ensued. How well I recollect when I lapsed into my former habits of sensuality, spite of my struggles with myself to avoid doing so. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">[This change in social life, left me with a limited purse for free loves \u2014 I had generally not the money to enable me to have the high-priced strumpets of former days, tho at times I was seduced into such extravagances. \u2014 Excepting at intervals, the demand upon my time and my tool elsewhere prevented my engaging in liaisons requiring time to accomplish or continue them. \u2014 But I had varied, fantastic, and the erotic frolics of mature age, as well as the normal amorous amusements of a sensuous man. The administrators to my pleasure were content with their gains, relatively small tho they were, and also were often content with me for I had not lost the natural faculty (not art, for I never really cultivated the art of attaching soiled doves, and (sub-rosa) frisky lasses, as well as other females to me; and making them the most complaisant of partners in my pleasures, and even my voluptuous extravagances and caprices.] <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">For fifteen months, I have been contented with one woman; I love her devotedly, I would die to make her happy. Yet such is my sensuous temperament, such my love of women, that much as I strive against it I find it impossible to keep faithful to her, to keep to her alone. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">I have wept over this weakness, have punished my-self in fines, giving heavily to charities the money which would have paid for other women. I&nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--ast-global-color-3); font-family: Georgia; font-size: 14pt; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">have frigged myself to avoid leaving a woman whose beauty has tempted my lust. I have, when on the point of accosting a lovely frail one, jumped into a cab and frigged myself right off, tho unavoidably thinking of the charms I had not seen. I have avoided A*g**e and C**m***e, and any other place to which whores resort, for fear of being tempted. I have fucked at home with fury and repetition, so that no sperm should be left, to rise my prick to stiffness when away from home; fucked indeed till advised by my doctor that it was as bad for her as for me.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 1335\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\">\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">All is useless. The desire for change seems invincible. The idea of seeing the petticoats lifted of some untasted beauty, the disclosure of neat ankles, swelling calves, the garters round white thighs, the smooth belly, and the cunt glowing in its crisp hirsute setting, framed in the smooth white flesh of belly, thighs, and bum globes, fill me with unconquerable wants. \u2014 I sicken with desire, pine for unseen, unknown cunts. \u2014 My life is almost unbearable from unsatisfied lust. It is constantly on me, depresses me, and I must yield. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">I have yielded \u2014 Alas \u2014 Alas \u2014 I am whoring as of old \u2014 the charm is broken \u2014 my lascivious career recommenced. \u2014 Alas \u2014 Alas \u2014 I ought to feel disgraced. \u2014 But what maddening voluptuousness the variety gives me. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">Tho I again indulge my voluptuousness with women in whose society I find the greatest charm of life, not only from their possessing the sexual organ which is the foundation of love for them, as the male sexual organ is of their love for us, but for their faces, form, and beauty, manner, blandishments, and kindness, which are the female attributes. But I must abstain henceforth from those delicious intrigues, which, for so many years, have helped to occupy my mind and to lighten the great trouble of my life. It would be impossible to intrigue, to go cunt hunting as I have done. That involves never giving up a chance, watching for and seizing every opportunity, and giving up all other occupations needful to attain the end \u2014 possession of the woman. This now I cannot do, without chance of being found out, and perhaps thus sacrificing the happiness of one for whom I would sacrifice my life. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">I must content myself with the pleasures which courtesans can give me. Luckily, courtesans in their ranks have every class of physical beauty to gratify the taste, together with a libidinosity, the idea of which seems&nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--ast-global-color-3); font-family: Georgia; font-size: 14pt; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">more and more to please me. \u2014 Luckily also there are those to be found among them willing enough to gratify every taste of mine, \u2014 tastes which by experience have now been enlarged in their variety, \u2014 tastes to which in my earlier life I was a stranger \u2014 tastes which may be aberrations, and of which I have only heard. Thus I see before me endless salacious enjoyments. These are the burning words which ex-press the desires and actions of love. \u2014 Love, lust, letchery, lewed, licencious, lubricious, impudicity, salacity, obscenity, ribaldry, smuttiness, baudiness concupiscence carnality, fornication, lasciviousness, sensuality, meretriciousness, voluptuousness, lickerishness, ruttish, riggish, stupration and harlotry, all words found in the dictionary, and all of which I suppose may be classed under the term erotic. All are ridiculously used as opprobrious terms, instead of terms of praise and worship, for they are after all, only the charming expressions of the wants, tastes, desires, and concomitants, of the use of the prick and cunt, and for giving to each sex pleasure in some way. The terms should therefore be all gathered together under the word Love, of which they are but the expressions, the signs, and the consequence, and love and lust are al-most synonymous.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 1336\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\">\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">[It is a quarter of a century since this was written and I have acted in the belief of the truth of them.] <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">I am forty-two years old: an age when nature should moderate my ardours. \u2014 It may have done so, yet I can scarcely find any difference in my physical force, whilst my power of imagination in all things sexual has increased. \u2014 This imagination adds infinitely to the charm of coition and makes the woman lovelier than ever to me. \u2014 I am in full health and vigor, and am told good looking, more so than formerly, tho I can see no difference in myself. \u2014 All agree that I do not look my age. I can fuck once nightly as regularly as clockwork, oftentimes twice, and feel none the worse for the double action. Frequently, even that makes me feel and sleep better, and feel more refreshed and stimulated next morning. \u2014 With a fresh woman I can fuck thrice within the hour, but with that have finished my amour for a time. \u2014 But so it was with me years ago. [With a little abstinence, and a lovely woman with a fresh cunt, I have many times done my fifth between night and morning.]<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 1337\">\n<div class=\"layoutArea\">\n<div class=\"column\">\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">I can perhaps for a time control my lustful impetuosity better than I could, which may be a sign of relaxation of strength. Yet at times I have such a strong, hot, fit of passion at the sight of a woman, that nothing restrains me till I&#8217;ve had her, if she can be had. Neither cost (whether I can afford it or not) nor risk deters me. \u2014 It seems to me that I then have the same determined aggressiveness which, overcoming a constitutional timidity frequently felt by me with women, tho I have not often told of it, has given me hitherto such success in my amours, \u2014 and even with harlots. \u2014 Success often times unexpected. My temerity in the attack, so crowned with victory, often times astonished me when my passion has been cooled in the darling&#8217;s arms, and I have had time to think over what has passed. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">Certainly I can now do what years ago I was incapable of, \u2014 dally with my lust under the strong excitement of a fresh cunt. I can pull my prick out of it as my sperm begins to rise, await its subsiding, put my prick in again, again postpone the crisis, and get by this husbandry, this prolongation, as much voluptuous delight out of one fuck as I used out of two. I can at times look at a cunt which my prick has never yet opened, and by strong effort of will, contemplate it for a time even with a stiff and throbbing prick. I think at times, even, that I can prevent my prick from stiffening, when looking at a lovely naked woman, but this for a short time only. \u2014 Directly afterwards, when I allow desire full swing, my prick, in rapid throbs, jerks itself up erect. \u2014 It seems to me to rise to duty with the throbbing of my heart, when the restraint of my will is removed from it. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">I have much, perhaps great, knowledge of sexual matters as it affects both male and female in their daily life, and feel sure that with that experience, coupled with the influence of my age, I can get mastery over women more easily than formerly. \u2014 Yet have I not been already sufficiently masterful with them? But my deeper knowledge tells, and adds to my power and pleasure. I can astonish the younger ones, whores tho they may be, by telling them as much as they know, and some of the young practitioners more than they know. \u2014 [Many a young pair of eyes I have, since this was written, seen to wonder at my disclosures.] Then finding I know so much of their sex, their mendacity, little dodges, artifices, salacious tricks, and lewed habits, they are frank and tell me much about themselves and of their class. That is to say, some do, \u2014&nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--ast-global-color-3); font-family: Georgia; font-size: 14pt; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">those who naturally are frank. \u2014 Those innately cunning liars \u2014 but little.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 1338\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\">\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">I like to notice carefully, quietly, the difference in cunts; to study the look of cunts. This taste for comparing them has been growing on me for years. But more \u2014 I can tell, I think, tolerably closely, the age of a woman by the growth of the hair around, and the general aspect of her vulva. \u2014 &#8220;How old do you guess I am?&#8221; \u2014 &#8220;Wait till you&#8217;re naked my dear, and when I&#8217;ve looked at you from your arse hole to your navel, I&#8217;ll guess.&#8221; \u2014 &#8220;You are a funny man, \u2014 well look then \u2014 now tell me.&#8221; \u2014 That often has occurred, and it pleases me to inspect and to guess. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">I can look at a woman&#8217;s bum hole without dislike, and like pressing it with my finger, when my prick is in her cunt, and, in the ecstasy of the spend, even to intrude it. Have I not done now nearly everything? Is not everything which two people like to do together, fit and proper for them to do? Besides, some sweet Paphians whom I have had, and enjoyed my embraces, liked that anal plugging. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">What often astonishes me is my desire to do again every thing sexual and erotic, which I have done al-ready. Yet many things done, I fancied I should never repeat. I have frigged a man. \u2014 My curiosity satisfied, I said to myself, \u2014 &#8220;I shall never frig a man again.&#8221; \u2014 Yet I want to do so. \u2014 After each nearly hairless cunt which I have fucked, I have said, &#8220;Bah! she is not so well worth a stiff one as a full grown woman. There&#8217;s no squeeze in the cunt, tho it be so small and tight \u2014 less soft liquidity exudes to meet my sperm, I&#8217;ll not have another.&#8221; \u2014 But I want another, and seem even to forget the sensation and the distinct pleasure that the small cunt gave me. I still want to compare them with the pleasure from larger cunts. \u2014Nay, I crave for a young, unfledged cunt to lodge my prick in once more, and for the very fact of its being young and unedged, and without thought of the pleasure of the fuck in it. I want to do every thing over again. All former gratifications which were a little out of the common, seem to have faded from my recollection somewhat. \u2014 I don&#8217;t clearly enough recollect my sensations, or the quality of the pleasure they gave me. I wish to re-fresh my memory by repeating the amorous exercises. It is not my lust or powers which want stimulating by variety; it rather seems as if it were strong animal want which is stimulating my desires and exercising my brain to invent even voluptuous combinations.&nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--ast-global-color-3); font-family: Georgia; font-size: 14pt; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I should like now, I fancy, those amusements I have often objected to. I should I think like my prick sucked by a sweet red lipped mouth. \u2014 Many a time I have refused that. What made me do that trick with the three Italian Graces at F**r***e I wonder?<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 1339\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\">\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">Certainly I should like to gamahuche a pretty, coral tinted, hairless cunt, between young thighs. And a large stiff white prick! \u2014 I should like to see the sperm start from it, whilst I handled it. \u2014 Big women and little, black and light haired cunts, cunts of four-teen, and cunts of forty, I should like to see and taste again. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">And I am middle-aged, and as some would say, should know better. Bah! \u2014 why should I not enjoy myself erotically if I fancy it, even if I were a centenarian? \u2014 &#8220;Vive le con, vive le vit.&#8221; I will re-commence as if I were young and ignorant. \u2014 Know better? He who knows how to get full enjoyment of life, be it done how it may, knows best. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">I have perhaps arrived at the period of philosophical eroticism, but have I anticipated the period? Camille says that I have, and reminds me that she always said I should, whilst &#8220;beau garcon.&#8221; \u2014 In fact I know everything about women: their sexual organization, the mysterious influence that the womb exercises upon them, and they upon us from the same source of vitality. \u2014But whilst I flatter myself thus, I know also that I may be, and probably shall be, deceived by them, have their dust thrown in my eyes, \u2014 humbugged by them. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">Any man may be humbugged by a woman whom he loves. Nay if he only likes her much, he is sure to believe her. It would pain him too much to disbelieve. This my opinion of masculine weakness, for many a year I have held. \u2014 It has saved me, I believe, from more than one false step, from several dilemmas. \u2014 It may save me from others, but who knows? If I should love, or only lust after, or only like, it will not, especially from gay women. \u2014 A gay lady is al-most by necessity a liar and trickster \u2014 money, money does it. \u2014 But in love matters, all women, modest or immodest, are liars, they will lie like a dentist to serve their turn. Trust them not, shall be my motto hence-forth, but fear it will avail me but little, if I love or lust for them. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">[Thus ran my thoughts, during the time I was constant and true to one (and to whom I thought I should be constant and true for ever), and the&nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--ast-global-color-3); font-family: Georgia; font-size: 14pt; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">period of hesitation which ensued afterwards. \u2014 Thus did sensual cravings surge and struggle with me till I yielded. \u2014 They worried me even afterwards, whilst I indulged my lust with cheap Paphians, whom I sighted, longed for, fucked, paid, and dismissed, oftentimes in half an hour; leaving me unsatisfied, almost doubting what had taken place, yet with a desire to see more of their seat of pleasure, which in my lustful impetuosity I had had but a glimpse of. That flash of the cunt before my eyes had a sorcery of its own, for I could rarely help thinking of it and wishing to contemplate it more at leisure, and to think about it when contemplating.]<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 1340\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\">\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">[Such fugitive pleasures also left me with fear of ailment, not for my own bodily suffering, but for the disclosure of its origin and source, and of the anguish that the disclosure would cause to her. Often I vowed that never \u2014 never \u2014 would I incur the risk again. \u2014 Alas for such resolves. \u2014 A stiff prick has no conscience. \u2014 A lustful throb in mine at a pretty face, a neat ankle, a swinging backside in sight, and all was for-gotten, till I saw my sperm rolling out of her cunt, and my regrets and fears returned.] <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">When I recommenced indiscretions (to use the accepted and modest term for going on the loose and fucking others than the legitimate one), I sought Camille. \u2014 Years had passed since I had had her, and the look at her was a pleasure to me. \u2014 &#8220;Mon Dieu! c&#8217;est vous mon ami, je suis enchante\u0301e de vous revoir, jai cru vous avoir perdu. \u2014 How well you look. \u2014 Ah, unchanged \u2014 as young and handsome as ever. \u2014 Ah, why have you so long neglected me?&#8221; \u2014 We kissed, in another minute my fingers were on her cunt, hers round my prick \u2014 our mouths were glued together in silence, and in a few minutes more, my prick was throbbing out its sperm into her heavenly receptacle, which gave out its tribute to meet mine whilst we sighed ourselves into voluptuous silence. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">Camille was unchanged, excepting that she had got stouter, and the hair of her cunt was thicker and covered her motte more. \u2014 Her lovely, smooth, satiny skin, her quiet voice, her other perfections mental and carnal, were the same. \u2014 But I fancied she had more the manners of a Paphian, more those of a professional fuckstress than when last I had her. We resumed our conversations as of yore. \u2014 Fucking and frigging, gamahuching and minetting, sodomy, thumbuggery and tribadism \u2014 male with male \u2014woman with woman \u2014 all the changes were discussed.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 1341\">\n<div class=\"layoutArea\">\n<div class=\"column\">\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">\u2014 All, we agreed, would hesitate to get any enjoyments out of any parts of their body that they lusted for. It was the same philosophy \u2014 a theory of pleasure we had agreed upon years before, and we only reaffirmed it now, after in-creased experience. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">But I wanted other women besides Camille. \u2014 Soon she perceived that want, for she asked me if she should get me this woman or that pleasure. She had had now the experience of some years of harlotry, and knew men&#8217;s natures. \u2014 Well, for a short time I accepted her aid, but then went my own way and again ceased seeing her altogether. [Partly perhaps because she left England and partly owing to a change in my residence.] <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">Then I went promiscuously and took a clap. It was not so serious an affair as the previous one, and luckily, being then temporarily alone in my home, it enabled me to get cured without the ailment being discovered. \u2014 It made me more cautious, made me insist on rigorous washing, and cuntal injections, before embracing the ladies afterwards. Occasionally also I then used French letters, but I could not bear them, nor they me. The injections also even if only of soap and water, left the cunts so rough, that my sensitive prick was deprived of half its pleasure. I have lately noticed, more than ever, that some cunts have more natural lubricity than others, and that my pleasure in coition depends on that smoothness. That a sort of soapy, greasy, mucilaginous lubricity, gives me the most pleasure. That is found in perfection in girls about eighteen years old, and afterwards up to a certain age. I think it diminished in a woman after forty. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">[Complete lubricity in the woman&#8217;s cunt has now be-come a necessity. \u2014 Without it at times my prick suffers almost slight pain at the beginning of the fuck. \u2014 The second fuck in the spermatised channel is by far the most pleasurable, and on reflection I am conscious that the liking I had always for an unwashed cunt, or rather for one not recently washed, was an instinct with me, the result of this very sensitiveness of my glans. \u2014 I used at the time to think it was purely fancy on my part, yet could not reconcile it with the desire which I had for intense cleanliness in the woman, whilst at the same time I sought lubricity.] <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">[Finding I could not break away from my sensuality, I gave up the victory to it, tho I never was able to get rid of my moral scruples, and thinking I was unfair to her whom I loved better than my life. But I forgot those&nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"color: var(--ast-global-color-3); font-family: Georgia; font-size: 14pt; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">scruples, or they troubled me less and less as time went on. \u2014 My fears about ailments also grew less, for I reverted to a former habit, and always began my acquaintance by paying the ladies directly I got into the bed room with them. The dialogue was usually this. &#8220;Here is the money, don&#8217;t let me poke you if you have any thing the matter with you.&#8221; \u2014 &#8220;I&#8217;m all right.&#8221; \u2014 &#8220;Ah but if you&#8217;ve been poorly, or are going to be, the least stain will make me ill, my prick&#8217;s so sensitive, I don&#8217;t mind paying you a bit, I know you must get your living, so tell me truly, don&#8217;t let me touch you if you&#8217;ve even the whites.&#8221;<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 1342\"><div class=\"layoutArea\"><div class=\"column\">\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">That has been received in various ways. \u2014 &#8220;You do it, I&#8217;m all right. Come on and fuck me,&#8221; and after the business. \u2014 &#8220;You&#8217;re married, I suppose, but don&#8217;t you fear, I&#8217;m all right.&#8221; \u2014 Others on the contrary. \u2014 &#8220;I&#8217;m quite well, but my poorliness was only over this morning. \u2014 You mustn&#8217;t push too deep.&#8221; \u2014 Or: \u2014 &#8220;Well, I am expecting to be poorly every hour.&#8221; \u2014 Or \u2014 &#8220;Well, do as you like.&#8221; Sometimes &#8220;Well, I&#8217;m a little poorly, but I&#8217;m quite in good health&#8221; or \u2014 &#8220;I&#8217;m all right as far as I know.&#8221; \u2014 Sometimes there was an evasive one. Others &#8220;Well, shall I toss you off then if you&#8217;re afraid?&#8221; \u2014 or, \u2014&#8221;A French letter then.&#8221; A French woman. &#8220;Shall I do minette with you?&#8221; \u2014 and there were other little varieties of meeting my offer, and questions, and result.] <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">Here from my manuscript are two extracts illustrative of my notes as written almost day by day at that period \u2014 many and many a page there was of them. All were amusing, and writing them pleased me immensely at the time. Indeed I think that I had more pleasure in writing my narrative at this period than at any other, tho I had far less to write about. \u2014 Of these temporary infidelities I destroy the remaining notes now, excepting one or two curious ones told further on. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">Had a woman named Susan * * * * * seemed twenty-five, a fat arsed, tho she didn&#8217;t look so in her dress. \u2014 Discontented with what I&#8217;d agreed to give her, said I give no more, \u2014 where on she said. \u2014 &#8220;All right&#8221; and seemed quite satisfied. \u2014 Dark hair and eyes, plenty on her cunt, fucked well and, I think, spent; told her so. &#8220;Yes I nearly always spend with my first man if he&#8217;s nice, perhaps I mayn&#8217;t get another tonight.&#8221; \u2014 She hated frigging herself. \u2014 No woman should touch her own cunt, she thought. \u2014 A funny one.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"page\" title=\"Page 1343\">\n<div class=\"layoutArea\">\n<div class=\"column\">\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">21 January. \u2014 A funny little bitch about four feet six high, thin. \u2014 A modest looking juvenile cunt. \u2014 One of the smallest I ever put into \u2014 quite tight as I pushed my penis up it \u2014 hurt me as I pulled prick out quite stiff \u2014 I&#8217;d spent, tho I feared \u2014 washed. \u2014 &#8220;You&#8217;re in a hurry,&#8221; said she light haired, squinny face. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">23 March \u2014 A hairy arsed, low, she. \u2014 Wonder I poked her, glad to get away \u2014 ten and six \u2014 dirty rooms. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">A German \u2014 long nosed \u2014 big \u2014 spoke good English, said another woman was in house \u2014 would I see her \u2014 offered five shillings. \u2014 German laughed scorn-fully so I dropped the subject. \u2014 Soon after said she&#8217;d go and see \u2014 and it ended in having a plump little whore, whose cunt I looked at, whilst I fucked the German, and for five shillings. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">If I had any doubts, owing to the woman&#8217;s manner, I got away as quickly as I could. Sometimes I said, &#8220;I won&#8217;t poke, but show me your cunt.&#8221; I almost always looked at that, and then left, and oftentimes was in a house with another woman ten minutes afterwards. \u2014 Once or twice the look of the cunt so excited me that, &#8220;Oh, I must fuck you.&#8221; \u2014 &#8220;Perhaps you&#8217;d better not,&#8221; \u2014 but they never alledged anything but their poorliness as a reason. \u2014 By adopting this mode of dealing with the women, I expect that I often escaped an ailment. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">So for some time I had two or three different women weekly \u2014 feeling quite sure that I could do duty at home as well, but I had no woman whom I took to as a friend \u2014 or regularly visited. It was one continuous change in cunt, which I saw in all sizes, developments, knowledge of the look, and capabilities of that feminine appurtenance, and the ways and manner in which women used it and permitted it to be used, and their movements, manner, and behaviour, whilst it was used. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14.000000pt; font-family: 'Georgia';\">I only select one or two funny and exceptional incidents which occurred me during this continuous change of women, and they stand in my manuscript in the following order, or something like it.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Volume 7 Chapter&nbsp;6 Change in social conditions. \u2022 Fifteen months&#8217; fidelity. \u2022 Virtuous struggles with self. \u2022 Fornication resumed. \u2022 Lucubrations on sexualities. \u2022 Recurrent lusts. \u2022 Copulative power. \u2022 Knowledge of the art of love. \u2022 Girls surprized. \u2022 Influence over women. \u2022 Age guessed by pudenda. \u2022 Novel lusts. \u2022 Female humbugging. \u2022 &hellip;<\/p>\n<p class=\"read-more\"> <a class=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/?page_id=1694\"> <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Volume Seven Chapter Six<\/span> Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-1694","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1694"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1694"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1694\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2754,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1694\/revisions\/2754"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1694"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}