Volume 7 Chapter 12
My letch for a little one. • Sarah’s lodgings. • A new dress wanted. • A virgin proffered. • The deaf little Emma. • The tailor’s family arrangements. • The price of the hymen agreed. • Doctor H**m**d. • Sham medical investigations. • Aperiant pills. • Sarah’s advice. • An aperient Priapus. • Emma leaves Sarah. • The grocer’s in B**w**k Street. • On the fucking facilities a little bum gives.
When I told Sarah F**z*r this finale, she laughed heartily. —The desire for a youthful virginity seems to have been strong on me. — Sarah said she’d try and find one. Then I became exacting, and wanted one without any hair on her cunt, and I would see her virginity also before I broke it. I told her of the lovely little lass Betsy Johnson had got me, what I paid her, of the little virgin I got at the L*c**t*r S****e brothel, that I’d had both at brothels, and I must now have the girl whom Sarah got, at her lodgings, or at some quiet place, not a brothel.
The night we spoke most about this, we were jolly. — Sarah remarked, “I wish I could get you one, for it’s cold, I want a new silk dress and warm clothing for the winter, and don’t know how to pay for it — but I don’t see my way.” And it couldn’t be at her lodgings. — Then I dropped the affair.
Once or twice after, it was mentioned casually — when my prick was stiff, and a good dinner was in me — for the letch was still on me occasionally, tho I had ceased to expect to gratify it. Sarah began to say as she’d said before, that her lodgings were common, that I shouldn’t like them — that she could only let me go to them at particular times, when her husband was not at home — it was impossible — and much more of the same sort. At last, would I promise to tell no one if she let me go to her rooms. — I wondered who she imagined I should tell. — It was ridiculous to suppose I should. For a week or so then, I was mostly at home of a night, and only saw Sarah once. The next night I had her, she said she had got what I wanted, and named the day after for me to go to her lodgings, of which she’d given the address.
I went to her lodgings. — Two rooms on the second floor in G***k Street, Soho. The front looked into the street. — The back into a yard which might once have been a garden, and in which was the water closet. — The rooms were far better than I expected, they were thoroughly comfortable, and not like those in which courtezans receive friends. The bedroom led out of the sitting room, thro a passage which also had a door on to the landing of the stairs. The staircase went up in the middle of the house. Her sitting room was carpeted, there was a good stove in it with boiler and oven. — She said that was her own putting in. — A large sofa of old fashioned look stood against the partition, there was room to fuck on it and roll off by the side of the woman. — It was really a sofa bedstead, and there were two easy chairs.
The bedroom was equally comfortable. — There was a very large bed with red hangings, and hangings to the windows also. A thick padded curtain across the door opening on to the stairs, which she’d made her- self to keep out noise and cold (perhaps to prevent listening). — The rooms looked as if the furniture had been bought at good sales, as I afterwards found it had been. Altogether they were very snug, and when she lighted a lamp and we sat down before the fire, I felt quite at home. I was surprised to find so much comfort. — She had occupied them three years.
She let me in herself. — “I have a new little maid, and don’t want her to see that you are strange here — I have told her I expect a friend, a doctor. — If you like her, I will see what can be done. — She’ll be in, in a quarter of an hour. Her name is Emma.”
The girl who had been sent on an errand was about fifteen, or barely so, short and thickset and had large earnest eyes — but not a handsome face. She was rather deaf. — The idea of having her pleased me, I began thinking how I should like to please her, hurt her virginity, frig, lick, fuck, and generally teach her the art of love, in a snug private room like Sarah’s.
Sarah told me she had no mother and was of German extraction, her father was a drunken tailor. The girl had kept his rooms. There was another girl nearly her age, who he thought now could do this, and he had told this one to get her living in service. — Sarah had taken her, and dismissed her other maid.
I sent the girl out for gin, brandy, etc., etc., giving her always the change, my custom of ingratiating myself. Her face brightened at the gifts. — She sat at needle work whilst we talked. — “This is my friend Dr. H**m**d, he has often attended to me. — Now he shall see to you, if you don’t get better,” said Sarah, telling me that she had indications of her first poorliness, and that she had advised her to let a doctor look at her when alone. — Then to me when alone, — “And as you are the doctor, you can satisfy yourself.” Was she a virgin? — Sarah believed so. — When her husband (her man), was away, she let her servants sleep with her. — When he was at home they slept on that sofa in the sitting room. — He had been away a week, and the girl had slept with her. She had seen her undress, strip and wash. She always made her servants do that every week, or they would not be in the same bed with her. — The girl had the slightest sign of dark hair on the motte, but not a bit on the lips. When asleep Sarah had felt her, and so far looked.
Said Sarah, “When we are drinking, you give her a little brandy and water, — I can’t make her take any-thing. Make her jolly screwed, and then see her cunt, or we’ll do that together.” — I let Sarah do it after I was gone, which was a weak caprice of mine.
There was a fire. Sarah sat lifting her petticoats so that the warmth could get up her legs. The girl was told to remain where she was till she was called. — We went to the bedroom, and on Sarah’s virtuous bed, I fucked her for the first time in her lodgings.
“I mean to let her know I am gay,” said she, — “get her lewed and it will all go right. — Your being a doctor will do it. My poorliness is coming on, and I have told her I have shown you my cunt. — That doctors often see the cunts of women who want advice about poorliness” — only Sarah usually said “my thing,” when she spoke of her cunt.
I met Sarah out two nights afterwards by arrangement. — “She is all right, no one has been up her, you can come to night and see for yourself. I have seen her thing, and if you say you must look at it, she’ll let you — I have told her that she must have no nonsense with a doctor.”
“But she’ll expect medicine.” “Well, you must give her something which will open her bowels. She’ll never think you are going to do her good unless you make her belly ache.”
During that evening I made remarks to Sarah of a medical nature. — Sarah said, “I think I must get you to give something to my little maid. — She is not very well, her poorliness won’t come on. — It is her first.”
“Come here.” She put her work down and came. I asked her questions about her bowels, her urine, and felt her breasts, put my hand up her clothes, and pressed her belly, all as nearly as I could in a cool, medical sort of way. — She flinched a little when I said, “Let me feel your stomach,” and looked at Sarah. “I must examine her well,” said I. — “When next you come — you shall,” said Sarah.
How my prick throbbed when my hand pressed the little belly. I could feel no hair, or scarcely any. It is strange, that altho Sarah thought I had better proceed to look at her at once, that I put it off — I can under-stand why I did it. We had shrub, the girl disliked spirits, shrub she liked. I have always found young girls will take shrub, it warms the stomach, rises to the brain, makes the cunt heat and tingle, and the girls think of fucking. There is no better term to express a woman’s sensation of randiness, and I borrowed it from Sarah.
I again felt her little rising breasts and her belly, and said that in two days I would see her again.
I saw Sarah next night and did not fuck her, said I would not till I had spent up the little deaf maid. Sarah, with the girl in bed, had talked on sexual subjects, had heard that twice men had tried to take liberties with her. — Once a tailor put his hands up her clothes, it was on the stairs. She didn’t like to tell, for a tailor had once done something of the same sort to her sister, and she had told her father, who boxed her ears, and said it must have been her own fault. — She had had a sweetheart, who had coaxed her down a yard, kissed her, then pulled up her clothes, and felt her, and she felt for a second, what must have been his cock. — He put her hand to it. She ran away, and had not seen him once. “All poor girls get these chances early,” said Sarah. “She says she has frigged herself. — I made her feel what a lot of hair I had, then I felt hers, and I told her it would grow quite hairy when a man had put his thing up her. All girls are anxious to get hair on their things.” — Then they got talking about how fucking was done, until, “I believe the little devil got quite randy, I told her that I had had it done to me before I was her age, that a girl need not have a child unless she liked — that half the girls did it with men but never told.” — Sarah strove to fill her mind with desire to be fucked, told of the ease and secrecy with which it could be accomplished, and the benefits accruing. — Any woman I am certain can persuade a girl to let herself be fucked, if she stimulates rising passions, and incites her to compliance both for sexual gratification and interest, and women like teaching them.
Sarah told me she didn’t like doing this. “But she will be sure to have some man do it to her, so you may as well have her as any one else, and I shall get my new dress. It will do me good and do her no harm.” To this I quite agreed. It is quite true, and what every gay woman has told me, and is my philosophy.
But if there should be a row? — “I’ll chance it — how am I to know anything about it, she might have done it anywhere, when she goes out. I should swear all was a lie, I should say I never had seen you in my life, and no one shall see you if you come at dark, and only when I tell you.”
Next night I was there — my prick had been standing as I walked along, and yet I was nervous. I sent her out for shrub and then Sarah said, “I can’t get a word out of her till the light is put out, then she talks fast enough, and asks me what the pleasure of fucking is, and if it hurts. — A girl she knows has made her think it hurts. I have told her that it depends upon whether a girl lets a man do as he likes or resists him. — If a girl don’t resist, she won’t be hurt. She thinks you such a nice kind man, and wonders a man with such a fine moustache, can call her ‘my dear,’ and speak to her as you do.”
“Shall I get into her to-night?” “I would rather be out when you do it, I have told her she’d be better if she’d been poked, and she said she supposed she should not be quite well till she married. — I said she might get poked before that, and her husband know nothing about it.”
I asked Sarah before the maiden about her own health, her womb, her courses, and so on. The girl looked at me and at Sarah with the appearance of mental strain, which people partially deaf often have. — “Well my dear, and how are you?” — I then felt her breasts and belly, and as I knew her little ailments, the questions were wise enough. “I must see you with your clothes off.” “Go with the doctor,” said Sarah. “I have told her you’ll want to look at her as you have looked at me.” There was such a lot of palaver about the affair, that it crossed my mind I was going to be done.
The girl lighted a candle and went to the bedroom. In the room was a fire. I could scarcely now preserve the gravity of a doctor. — She took off her clothes to her chemise, and a fine little girl she was — I pulled it up, she half resisted, but as if recollecting who I was, stood still.
I asked all the searching medical questions I could. “Lie down, don’t be ashamed, I am accustomed to see girls naked — there — so — just so — open your legs a little wider, now put your heel there — that’s it, — don’t close your thighs when I open the lips — that will do.”
There the girl laid on the side of the bed, her thighs distended, one heel up so as to facilitate and keep the legs open, the little thin lips of her vulva gaping, and shewing the pink lining.
I took a candle and saw the orifice which the prick enters, inside it the membrane closing it, excepting down near the bum-hole, where was a little opening, that looked as if a little finger would scarcely go thro it. The girl was unmistakably a virgin.
I could scarcely tear myself from her cunt, praised its looks, said what a nice made little lass she was – “And now my dear, tell me, have you ever put your finger up this?” and I touched it.
“No sir,” said she faintly. “Are you sure? Tell me the truth, it is no good deceiving a doctor.” “No, sir.” “Now I know you have,” said I, glorying in my baudy treat. “You have tried?” “I tried but it hurts me.” “I must try — if it hurts you a little don’t mind
— it’s for your good.” — Talking thus, I wetted my little finger with spittle, and pushed it gently through the little orifice and up her cunt, which felt soft and slimy inside. She winced. — “Oh, you hurt me, sir.”
Then I turned her bum upwards, and looked at the little cunt from behind, and afterwards, saw her naked from head to foot. I laid her on her back, gently rubbed her clitoris with my finger, and asked if she ever did so. — “I fancy you do what so many girls do.”
— Then I kissed her, told her she was a dear girl, that she would not be better till she had had done to her, what her own mother had had done. I could see her readiness, but had not the cheek to attempt or propose it to her then, which seems funny now, but so it was.
I went back to Sarah in such a state that my resolution left me — I sent the girl out for soda water, and the instant she was out, gushed my sperm into Sarah’s quim before my prick was well up it.
When the girl came back she drank shrub. I spoke of her nice limbs, told Sarah of her form, took half a sovereign out of my pocket, told Sarah to buy her boots, and that I felt inclined to give her a new dress. Then on pretence of satisfying myself, took her into the bedroom and again looked at the virgin cunt, pulled out my prick (and didn’t she look) and pissed before her.
— “You will be better when you let some one use this with you.” — She turned away. I don’t think she quite heard what I said.
The same things took place between us next time. I asked about the action of the medicine, and familiarised her with talking to me about all the little secrets of her sex. That freedom on subjects usually hidden from each other, paves the way for fucking. Again I saw her little form, from her nascent bubbies to her arse-hole— I now put my middle finger thro the hymen and up her cunt — I had cut my nail to prevent my hurting her — but she declared it did hurt badly — I played with the few short hairs which were shewing on her mons, praised her legs, feet, neat boots and stockings — asked if she liked them, and was overwhelmed with grateful replies. — Then I hinted again at giving her a dress, told her she had better not mention about having had a doctor to anyone, and stifling my wants I went into the other room to Sarah.
Sarah said, “Try as soon as you can, for with such a young one now, you never know what will take place. She may be fool enough to tell some one, but she won’t if she once gets it done to her — I will then tell her that she will be ruined for life if she mentions it.”
Next night Sarah met me out. — Said she, “I will stop out till twelve, make her lushy with shrub if she won’t do it without, and then fuck her, but she’ll let you. — She is in love with you.” — “Didn’t the doctor say he would perhaps give me a new frock?” said she to Sarah. — “How could he know I had tried to put my finger up?” — Sarah told her that doctors knew everything about women. — Then I asked her if she had ever seen a man’s cock. — Yes her brother’s, who showed it her once. He was about fourteen years old, and she used to sleep in the same room with him, and “she had seen it stiff.”
“You’ll have her — she has had such a talking to. If she hollows, push a pillow over her face and they won’t hear underneath — but the lodger overhead might be coming up stairs, tho he scarcely ever comes in till twelve o’clock. — I’ll be in the street for him, and come in when he does, we’ll come up the stairs together. — If I hear anything I’ll make a noise and knock at the door, so don’t be frightened — only you’ll have had her before then. —Don’t be nervous or you won’t get a stiff one.” — Sarah had heard from me that once or twice when over excited, my prick had refused to do its duty.
“I have nailed a rug over the door inside and put the chest of drawers against it. — We do that generally in winter to keep out the cold, and go thro the little passage, between the bed and sitting room” — which was partly true only. There had been a curtain.
“I told her also you only had an old housekeeper, and were inclined to take her to help. — The girl was delighted.” Sarah had given her a pill (I had taken her a box of common aperients). “She thinks you will soon bring on her poorliness, and that she will be quite a woman then.” — I sometimes wonder if all this preliminary was needful, and if the girl did not know pretty well what she was about, but this is a narrative of facts, and not of opinions.
Altho the maiden had not been a fortnight in the house, she had been as far debauched in mind as she well could be. — To have been told all about fucking, and by a grown woman, to have confessed to that woman, and to a doctor, all she had done with her cunt, to have got money, new boots and stockings and some other things, see the chance of having a place in the house of a doctor, who twice had looked at and felt her cunt, was certainly enough to upset any girl. — It was a fine preparation.
That night she let me in, said her mistress was out and had left no message. “Never mind I will wait.” — I sent out for shrub, and prepared to try my luck, but felt as nervous as if I were going before a judge for murder — I can’t understand myself being like this, for it is only at times that I am so.
She had a little shrub. — “Come here dear and tell me about yourself.” — I praised her hair and eyes, which were very good. Taking her between my legs I began feeling her breasts and belly, asking her medical questions all the time, then I lifted her clothes and afterwards said, “Let me see your stockings.” For an instant only she resisted as a girl might.
“Why? I gave them you — I have seen your little cunt and your little bum, have I not, and must look at them now.” — Then I again lifted her clothes, put my hand up, and a finger on her clitoris, and talking all the while, began rubbing it. “Oh Doctor, don’t,” said she wriggling her little cunt away from me. “Ah, it’s pleasure, but nothing like the pleasure you’ll have when a man puts his cock up you,” said I, feeling that the ice must be broken. My prick was getting so rampageous, that I felt inclined to carry her to the bed, and ravish her, but I went on talking.
In a few minutes more “I must look at you.” Into the bedroom we went, she took off her clothes, and again I saw her little virgin cunt at the bedside.
However much I may plan an attack on a woman, – there always comes a time when I follow my instincts and not my plan. — When my prick almost feels bursting, and I am overpowered by voluptuousness, I scarcely know what I do, or what course I take. — Then if the woman is not quite ready in her lewedness, and I make a false move, and startle, frighten, or de-lay, my chance is gone. But if she be lewed, sayings and doings dictated by nature, infallibly win her. There is a strength of will, and a moral force that a man has when he is furious with sexual want, over any woman whose body is tingling with desire for a male, which make him sure of having her.
Up to this time I know all I did, what followed my excited state only leaves the broad incidents clear — I fell kissing her cunt when looking at her, and sitting at the side of the bed. Then I cuddled her, and told all about fucking. — Then on pretext of looking at her once more, got her on to the bed, and placed a pillow so that her bum was on it, experience had taught me that in case of resistance, my prick would have a better chance of entering if her bum was well up. — I got on the bed, pulled out my prick, and said kissing her, “Let me fuck you love, your poorliness will come on then — you’ll want no more medicine, and have such pleasure.” — “No-hoh, no, sir — I mustn’t til I am married —you’ll hurt me. — I mustn’t, Doctor!”
I cuddled her as she attempted to get up, promising money and a silk dress, that I wouldn’t hurt, and that whoever told her it hurt told nonsense. — “No-oh-no,” — but she was nestling in my bosom, and my finger was on the little clitoris. — Suddenly she said, “Will you take me to help as a servant?” — I promised. — In another minute she was on her back. I wetted her cunt with spittle, my prick lay against it, and I feared I should spend before I got it up her. I grasped her bum, pressed her, and drove my prick with all my might. — “Oha -oh-oh,” she cried, each cry louder than the other as my prick battered her virginity. — Another cry, another shove, and I was spending up her. Soon, on putting my hand down, I found that not above an inch and a half of my prick was in her cunt, and my desire was to keep it there. She begged me to get off, but I lay soothing her. My prick kept stiff. The idea that my spunk was in her, the delight at feeling the little hairless cunt lips enclosing my swollen gristle, nerved it again. I gave the gentlest push, then harder, and it glided up until I felt it could go no further.
What a delicious, slow, prolonged fuck. The little cunt smooth with sperm, but so deliciously tight and compressive, and I had first moistened that little interior, broken that virgin barrier, thoughts which in-creased inexpressibly my voluptuousness. I recollect all I did, and what passed through my brain during the second operation. There was only one alloy to this pleasure. Without making a noise, she kept crying, and I spent kissing her, her tears running down her face. But I am not sure that these evidences of pain and nervous shock did not add to my enjoyment.
I lay in her long, puffing her closer as my penis kept shrinking. — It was delicious to hear her say that there was no longer pain, but — “I don’t know what sort of feeling” — in her cunt. When I thought of the mischief my prick had done, I delighted in using the words cunt, spunk, prick, fuck, and the whole erotic vocabulary, whilst she lay quiet with my prick still in her, listening but making no reply. What a delicious treat for her also.
I cautioned her against moving, till, “Let me wash you, it will prevent soreness, and your husband won’t know what I have done to you.” Girls at that age have implicit faith in a doctor, indeed I have found that most women have.
Candle in hand I opened her thighs, and saw the results of my pleasure. — A mass of blood-streaked sperm filled the mouth of her prick-hole, smears of blood lay between the cunt lips and on the thighs. On my prick was blood where the stem joins the balls, but small in quantity. Gently I pushed my largest finger up her cunt. She winced. I revelled in feeling it thick and pasty inside. — Soon my prick gave a throb, and with a movement, almost a jump, came from the droop to the stiff. I longed to be up her again, but feared my prick would droop before I did so. “Lay still, my little darling.”
She tried to move but too late — “No Doctor H**m**d, you shan’t” — I had lain myself on her and grasped her little bum with both hands and pushed with my prick without guiding it. In a few thrusts it found the right channel, and with one hard shove went clean up her. She gave a little cry and then was quiet. Was the distention now giving her pleasure?
I had spent twice, and to have my prick three times up a cunt in half an hour was a trial — I don’t recollect in all my life, having done such a thing in the same time more than once or twice. But now I have had nearly thirty years good fucking and am in early middle age. It was one thing to get my prick up, and an-other to finish the fuck. After the first burning excitement had evaporated in a few sharp shoves, a de-sire to be quiet seized me. — Obeying it I talked to her, and my precious prick, thinking it had done enough began to dwindle. — I felt ashamed, forgetting that the girl could not know whether I had spent, was spending, or was going to spend. — So for half an hour, without my cock leaving her cunt, it kept shrinking, then swelling at some effort, and so on. Now I pushed my fingers well under her little bum cheeks, and feeling the stem of my prick wet, I put her hand down to feel it. Then asked how her cunt felt. — All this did not keep me to full rigidity for long, yet I never once got my cock quite out of her. — There was no superfluous fat inside it, and her cunt was easily got at, and my firm hold of her little buttocks kept it close up to my prick, and so I managed it.
At length she complained that I was making her “ache dreadful.” I thought of rubbing her clitoris, and putting my finger down did so. The girl felt its effects, and so did I — my prick began to feel voluptuous thrills, and as if sperm was in my balls. No doubt the stretching, pushing, and friction of my cock up her little cunt had inflamed her. The rubbing of the clitoris made the sore little cunt hotter. Gently pushing with cock as stiff now as ever, I heard her sigh and saw her eyes close. She was spending — I saw it in her face, felt it by her manner, and by the sensation her cunt suddenly conveyed to my prick — it was the crisis of my night’s enjoyment. — Up her cunt rapidly thrusting before she had recovered, I spent in her again.
I got off of her. She lay seemingly exhausted, did all I told her, and let me do all I wanted — I again washed her cunt, gave her more shrub and she laid down, and went fast asleep for a full hour — I sat down gloriously contented.
It would be an hour and a half before Sarah came home. For an hour during which I read, Emma was still asleep. I pulled up her chemise, and saw the top of the little split peeping out between the closed thighs — I frigged my prick. All I had done, all I meant to do passed through my mind, and at last with much effort I spent, and was done for, for that night and no mistake. What a vagary to indulge in. How can I account for that sudden onanistic letch, I who hate masturbation?
I awakened her — her little quim was swollen and of dark colour, the outer lips even I fancied were swollen and irritated. I gloried in the jagged opening made of the little hole of three hours previously, but felt sorry at the depression she was in, for I could now scarcely get her to reply. — Kissing her, promising much, and begging her never to tell any one, I left her.
Sarah was outside. I gave her money and told her all about it. — Said she, — “The little devil spent! — are you sure?” — Sarah doubted it. — She didn’t know whether to encourage her to tell, or to ask no questions, but get rid of her soon, say she was deaf, was not strong enough, or something else. Sarah had her pay and wanted to be quit of the business.
But I wanted to fuck, to frig, to lick her, show her my cock, teach her the art of love, to learn her virgin ideas and sensations; so said she must keep her, arrange how she liked about knowing or not knowing, but I must have her again or we should quarrel. — Sarah against her will agreed — I was positive, peremptory. Sarah was strong in the desire that I should not see the lass again. Perhaps she was quite right, but I had my wishes to gratify, and did not clearly see Sarah’s reasons.
On the second night after the cunt rupturing, I met Sarah on her beat. The girl had told her all. Sarah had said she was sorry, but what was done, could not be undone — and it was lucky it was with a wise gentle- man like Doctor H**m**d, or bad consequences would come. — She’d be ruined for life if she told any living soul, and if the doctor wanted to do it again, he must. She should turn her out if she thought she’d mention the affair to any one — or allowed any other man even to kiss, or feel her.
I went quietly enough the next night into the bed room with the lass, and had as much difficulty in getting to look at her cunt as before. But I fucked her, and had the delight of seeing her frig my prick, and watch her looks as it swelled. Then I ejaculated the spunk into her. Afterwards I licked her little cunt till she spent, and much trouble I had to make her come that way — I can’t understand why I tried to set her to frig herself, which she wouldn’t do. — It was a brief honeymoon that and the succeeding nights. — I got her perfect confidence, and this went on nearly every other day for weeks.
Then I fucked Sarah, and liked her fully developed cunt better than the younger one’s. I began to notice that if not very randy, the little one’s cunt failed to work up my pleasure, whilst Sarah’s big one did. There was indeed but little sympathetic movement in the little one’s cunt, and I could only well get my prick two-thirds up her. — At first it delighted me to thrust till she called out, and her, — “Oh don’t push so far, sir,” — used to fetch my spunk like a shot. — But I grew tired of that, and came to the conclusion, that a good full sized cunt, elastic, fleshy, pulpy, and deep, was the most satisfying to my pego.
Sarah grew tired of keeping the girl for some reason, altho she got two pounds instead of one, each time I saw her. — “The little devil bothers me, she is always asking about you, and about Mr. F**z*r. I have made her sleep on the sofa, for I have found her feeling about my cunt when I awakened. — She thinks of nothing but your coming, bothers me to read your baudy books (I had lent some), and would talk of fucking all day— I am frightened to let her go out. I wish you would let her go.” — I had now fucked the lass in every attitude and agreed to it, and told Sarah I would stop away a fortnight.
The girl, I heard afterwards was in tears when she found I did not come. Sarah told her I had gone abroad — I was sorry for the lass, but Sarah had but little pity. — She thought the girl had done very well.
— “When she came, she hadn’t a rag to her back, now she has more good clothing than me.” — I had indeed given the girl lots of good clothes. — “She is set up, and has got a good place as servant, where she will work hard, but what of that. It’s better than stopping at home with a drunken father who half starved and ill-treated her. One of his shop mates would have done her business. — Now she can take care of herself, she knows enough.”
Her place was at a little grocers’ shop in W**d**r Street. — A month afterwards I loitered near the shop curiously, and saw two youths, seventeen or eighteen years old, in it; sons of the woman who kept it I found. Sarah said I was wrong to go near. — “The best thing for you is never to see her again — if any row comes, I’ll swear you never were at my lodgings in your life. — No one has seen you come, it has always been dark.”
I remarked that the youths would get into her. — “I hope they will, that will shut her mouth. — She won’t go long without it being up her, and the sooner she fucks the better,” was Sarah’s opinion. I never either saw the girl afterwards, nor heard of her.
I don’t forget the delight of the girl when her poorliness came on, which it did about a fortnight after I had had her, nor the way she used to burst out into quiet laughter, when she pulled my prick about till stiff, and how she said. — “Oh you do make my legs ache so.” All little girls get the leg ache when I lie long between them. — One of my delights was to turn her on her side with her bum towards me, fuck her from behind, and go to sleep so with my prick well in her. It is easier to do it that way with a small bum, than with big buttocks. But pillows must be put under the side of the young ones, to bring their cunts up to a convenient level. Fucking so was one of my delights with Molly, whom Betsy Johnson got for me. At Sarah F**z**’s I never had anything in my pockets to disclose my name. I used to tail the girl whilst Sarah looked on, and have awakened with my tail still in the girl and Sarah tranquilly working in the room, and singing in a low tone to herself.
But I don’t understand Sarah’s behaviour in the matter; why she wanted to be out of the house when I broached the girl, and so on. — Other women have however acted in peculiar ways under similar circumstances, and the reasons for the dodges of gay women are only known to themselves. Somehow I think that Sarah’s man had something to do with her desire to get rid of the girl, but about him I could glean no information; tho at times I was forbidden to go to her lodgings, because she said he was there.